His Broken Angel
by KittalyKate
Summary: Lorelai confronts Luke in the street about his inability to commit to their marriage. Instead of turning to Christopher for support, she isolates herself in an attempt to end her life. Can Luke reach her in time for their happily ever after? Angst/bit ooc
1. Broken

Darkness.

That was all Lorelai Gilmore had seen for weeks. Without removing her eyes from the wood grain of the living room floor, she shifted her emaciated frame so that her head was supported by the moldy arm of the couch. The shades had been drawn for weeks- since that night in fact- the night of the argument in the street that had determined the rest of her life. She had thought of going to Christopher, but she had already been down that path. She knew exactly where it led. Running to Chris had only led to more tears and heartbreak in the past; it was time for her to grow up and face her despair alone.

She decided instead that she wanted to be alone to think. She wanted to revel in her misery and failure to make the one man she loved, her soul mate, see that she was worth marrying. After dropping Paul Anka off at Babbette's, she had called Rory and told her she was going to be out of town. She didn't know how long she would be; she told her not to come looking for her.

The floor around her was littered with what looked like old Pop-Tart wrappers and boxes of Mallomars. She glanced at them. When was the last time she had eaten? She wondered how much longer it would take for her body to finish slowly eating itself alive. Around her pillow and in the couch cushions, tissues were stuffed liberally, as if the couch were losing its filling. She remembered the earlier days of her isolation, when things like crying and eating were a necessary part of her grieving process. The loss of the love of a man like Luke was too much to bear. Her heart and soul had been broken. She had let her mind play the ultimatum in the street over and over, like a twisted broken record that no one had ever bothered to set straight. She had moved on to acceptance now. He didn't want to marry her. He didn't want her to have his babies and to raise his family. What can a heart do when its other half refuses to join together to become whole? It gives up, that's what it does.

"Luke." Her ragged and hoarse whisper in the darkness had seemed to shake the foundations of the house to its very core, the first word that had been uttered in that tomb of silence in days.

"Luke." She repeated . She knew the end was near. She could feel that even that slightest bit of activity had cost her the majority of her energy.

_It won't be long now, _she thought to herself as she felt even more of her life force slip away like sand through fingers, _a day or so more and I will never have to think about him again. _

She slipped fitfully into unconsciousness. These were always the hardest parts of her solitude. Sleep would take her- and in its malice would show her everything that could have come into being. Luke with her on the beach as they ran in the surf and laughed. Watching a sunset as Luke came up behind her, reverently cupping his hands around her growing belly. A beautiful young girl of about three with brilliant blue eyes and black curly hair. Her father lifting her up and twirling her around and around and around. Standing on the porch of the Dragonfly- his weathered hands against her wrinkled face.

Suddenly, her dreams changed. They seemed to take on a life of their own as they unfurled their ugly wings and swiftly took flight upon her already battered heart.

"_There's nothing like a wedding to screw up a family, Lorelai," _Luke sneered at her. "_It's not biologically natural for people to mate for life. People grow and evolve their whole lives. The chances that people are going to grow and evolve at the same rate- too slim to take. The minute you say I do, you're sticking yourself in a tiny little box for the rest. of. your. life." _With each of those final words, Luke pushed her, pushing his fingers into the tender skin of her shoulders, accentuating the pain of them.

"_You weren't supposed to talk to Anna. I had April to consider. I can't just jump like this!"_ He screamed.

His words still echoed in her ears as the scene around her melted and shifted. She was standing on the bow of a huge ship. The sounds of laughter and sea spray permeated the air. The smell of salt tickled her nose as the gentle wind caressed her hair. Luke and Nicole were standing in front of a man dressed in captain's uniform. He was wearing a simple suit and she, a simple white dress. She moved in closer to hear what was being said.

"_And do you, Luke, take Nicole to be your lawfully wedded wife- to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as you both shall live?"_

There was a a momentary flash of hesitation in his eyes before he solemnly vowed _"I do"_.

Tears stung Lorelai's tortured eyes as she whispered, _"Yes, you can, Luke. You can jump like this. You've done it before, but I wasn't worth you doing it again. "_

She awoke with a start. Tears had been slipping through her closed lids and falling to soak the fabric beneath her weary head. She knew it was time. She knew that the moment was here. She needed to say her goodbyes now while she still had the strength. Her next slip into the realm of unconsciousness was sure to be her last. And so without another thought, she began to sing. Her sweet soft voice that flooded the empty room was choked with emotion and cracked from weeks of not being used.

_Bittersweet memories, _

_That's all I'm taking with me._

_So goodbye, please don't cry. _

_We both know, I'm not what you need._

_And I will always love you. I will always love you._

_I hope life treats you kind. _

_And I hope you have all you dreamed of._

_And I wish you joy and happiness, _

_but above all, I wish you love._

_And I will always love you. I will always… love …you._

Her voice shattered on the last line, letting the sobs finally wrack her wasted body. Tears fell thick and fast upon the already saturated couch cushion. She turned her head as a diamond and platinum band fell off her shrunken finger and hit the floor. She moved quickly for a woman who had not used any muscles in her body for days. She rolled off of the couch and fell to the floor, not even trying to brace her body for the impact. With labored breathing and her eyes nearly swollen shut with tears, Lorelai ceremoniously grasped the ring and returned it to its rightful place on the fourth finger of her left hand. With that reverent, almost worshipful action, she broke. She felt that had she not been the only person left in the world, the entire town of Stars Hollow would have heard her wail of complete pain and utter misery. It was the death of her soul turned into raw emotion and sound. Luke Danes may not have been willing to take her as his wife, but she would die his fiancée. There was nothing he could do to change that.

She heard a bang as she rasped through her cracked lips, "Peace, it will all be over soon".

She felt strong yet gentle arms lifting her and she knew that this was the end. The angel of death had finally come for her. Lorelai saw a flash of Luke's face, his beautiful eyes filled with tears and her name on his lips, and remembered no more.


	2. Epiphanies

Luke slowly opened his eyes, and for a moment, couldn't remember why he felt as if he had missed a step going downstairs. He couldn't recall why his eyes were burning as if he had been crying nor why he felt there had been a hole in ripped in his heart. He began to tremble violently as he recalled the night before. Lorelai, his Lorelai, had been in tears as she bared her soul to him. He remembered her asking him to run away with her. He remembered standing there, a deer caught in the headlights of oncoming doom.

As memories of the past few months flooded over him, he began to see just how unhappy she had been. He recalled, for the first time, how she had not quite properly met his eyes when she told him it would be ok to postpone the wedding. He recalled now seeing her eyes glaze over with pain and uncertainty every time he mentioned making plans with her _after_ he was done with spending time with April for the evening.

He thought further back- to the time when he had purchased her two stale Pop-Tarts and a Slim Jim. Such exquisite beauty and sharp wit should never have been bestowed upon one person. Luke remembered vividly her perfect glowing skin, contrasted beautifully by the dark curls that framed her happy face as she smiled up at him. He reminisced of those perfect lips, imagining that she had smiled just for him, and him alone. He could recall longing with every fiber of his being to wrap his fingers up in her soft, fragrant strands and tenderly brush his lips against hers.

Luke let an involuntary shiver wrack his body, though whether due to his lingering desire for this beautiful woman or the sudden epiphany jolting through his brain he was unsure. He suddenly realized that he could not remember the last time she had smiled at him like that. When exactly was the last time he had remembered her as he used to- the unobtainable goddess whose every glorious attribute existed merely to compel Luke to yearn for her even more? How dare he take her for granted when he wasn't even worth kissing the very ground upon which she tread? But he had neglected her. He had left her without the sun and rain of his love; and now his beautiful rose had wilted.

_What the hell was I thinking?, _He thought bitterly to himself, _What on earth was I hesitating for? Is this not the woman I have desired with all my heart for the past decade? Of course I want to marry her! Of course I want her to bear my children! No magnitude of distraction should have kept me from knowing that. Lorelai, Rory, and April are MY girls, and no one, not even Anna, should get in the way of…_

Anna. As more memories of Lorelai's rant came back to him, her mention of Anna was the only element he had yet to make sense of.

"_Once we're married, everything with April will be fine!"_, Lorelai had cried to him feverishly, _"Anna said so!"_.

It was clear to Luke that before he went to straighten things out with Lorelai, he had to get his facts in line. He needed to be clear about exactly what he had done before he acted on it. He had to be sure of the extent to which he had betrayed her. He had to go directly to the source.

Anna Nardini had just finished counting in her cash register drawer for the morning when the door opened and was violently slammed shut.

"Luke," she looked up surprised, "April is out with friends for the day. I don't expect her back until later this evening. You know, you really should call before just showing up out of the bl…"

"What did you say to her?!" Luke pointed an accusatory finger and the shocked woman before him.

"Excuse me?!" Anna would certainly not tolerate this kind of treatment in her own shop.

"To Lorelai, Anna, to Lorelai. I have to know what you said to her!" Luke's desperation won over his anger. He had to know. He had to fix this. "Please," he finally whispered, "I have to know".

Anna stared at him in shock. She thought she had known Luke Danes. She had thought that she had known what it was like to have his love. But seeing this wreck of a man standing before her with tears in his eyes humbled her greatly. Had she ever seen him cry over her like that? Certainly not. Had any man in her life ever cried over her like that? It was doubtful. Obviously, this man loved Lorelai Gilmore more than anyone had ever loved Anna Nardini. In that moment of sudden realization, she regretted what she had done to this man. She had wanted her daughter to be loved like that someday, but she never knew that the girl's own father was capable of such emotion. To deny her daughter the complete and unconditional love of someone like Luke was surely an oversight of which she would have a very difficult time forgiving herself.

She shook her head in an effort to clear her thoughts. "Luke, please understand. April was getting attached to her. If things didn't work out between you two…I didn't want April getting hurt. I told her that if she wanted to be a part of April's life, she would have to wait until the two of you were married".

It all made sense. Luke imagined his dear beloved fiancée trapped between the man who kept putting off his marriage to be with April and the woman who told her she couldn't be with April until they were married. He understood how it was only natural for her to want to be a part of April's life because she was so important to the man that she herself adored. His face paled with complete desolation as he realized exactly what he had done to her- what they had done to her.

"Anna," he choked out, "How could you? I know she had no right to come here and confront you, but I drove her to that, and the fault is entirely mine there. But to tell her that she couldn't be a part of my daughter's life? Of our daughter's life? Please understand, Anna, that Lorelai, Rory, and April mean the world to me. They are my breath, my world, my life. I love them with all of my heart. I know that sounds corny, but it's true. I kept Lorelai away from her for months for my own selfish purposes. I did not enter into the decision to get her involved lightly. It's important to me that you know that I have all of their interests at heart." It wasn't natural for Luke to state his feelings so baldly like this, yet it seemed he had been doing it all day. The situation for this man of action was finally dire enough to build a bridge from his heart to his lips.

Anna gazed into Luke's light blue eyes. Reflected in them, she saw the worry; fear; regret; and most of all, love. She tried to imagine what it must have been like for him. To be so in love with this woman that he would help to raise a daughter that wasn't his, only to suddenly find that he had his own daughter- of his own flesh, blood, and bone; it most certainly wasn't the selfish, kid-despising man that she remembered being with. She saw in her mind's eye everything that Luke had done for April since finding out about her. The hurt and confusion it must have caused Lorelai, and yet he was still there for his daughter. Another pang of guilt and remorse washed over her as she whispered, "I believe you Luke". There it was: she had given Luke Danes her trust.

Luke nodded, relieved that he had finally made her understand the situation. "Listen. I need to fix this. I want April to be a part of _our _lives, but I need to make Lorelai understand that I'm not going to abandon her either. I may be away for a while, but I need you to understand that this in no way means that I don't want April in my life. I plan on calling her tonight to explain the situation, but I need to make sure everything is going to be ok between us when I come back here. Can I rely on that assumption? I need you to trust me, Anna." He tried to plead to her with his eyes.

Anna sighed, "I don't know why, Luke, but I trust you. You will call her and explain to her why you will be gone. You will keep in touch by phone at least once a week. And so help me Luke Danes, if you break that little girl's heart, I will hunt you down and make you wish you hadn't."

A sad smile spread across his features, "Why would anyone want to hurt such a brilliant, amazing kid? Believe me, it's the last thing on my mind."


	3. Realizations

Luke nervously drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as he pulled into Lorelai's driveway. Something felt wrong, out of place. Her Jeep was in the driveway, but the shades were drawn and the house was dark. He strode across the porch and reached for the handle.

_Locked? _Lorelai never locked her front door. He rapped sharply on the door as he called her name. In the same moment, he realized that he had already repaired every stupid way there was to get into the house. Desperately, he tried again. "Please, Lorelai, please!" he begged, "I really need to speak with you! Lorelai, please, Baby, please answer the door." he finished in a whisper.

To his immediate left, a dog barked. He turned around to see the creature walk to the front porch and stop inexplicably at the stairs. At that moment, the fear that had been gnawing at his insides all morning was suddenly set loose upon his soul like a wild, rabid animal.

"Paul Anka?" he whispered uneasily as he sat on the steps to pet the dog. He looked up to see Morey walking towards him.

"She's not here, Luke." Morey stated matter-of-factly, "She came by last night all upset. Said she was going out of town for a while. You all right, man?"

It only took a moment for Luke to recover from the slight shock that in all his years of living in Stars Hollow, he had barely heard Morey utter more than three words at a time. "Please Morey," he croaked, "please, I need to know where she's gone."

Morey studied him for a moment. "Dunno." he replied simply, "I reckon she was just trying to get away from you, man. We heard about the fight last night, uncool. I was really rooting for you, you know?'.

For the second time that morning, Luke felt the blood drain from his face. "Alright, thanks a lot Morey. Hey, do you mind if I stop by later to pick up Paul Anka? I'd really prefer it if he kept me company while she's away".

Morey hesitated for a moment. "Yeah, sure man, that's cool. I got a feeling he's not happy here with us anyway. It's like his chi just doesn't mesh here, you know?".

Luke had no idea what a chi was, but he agreed nevertheless.

* * *

A chill ran down Luke's spine as he glanced longingly at the front porch of the Dragonfly Inn. He stood in the exact spot that he had that night many months ago, as he let the memory wash over him- their first kiss. He had wrapped his arms around the woman he loved and finally pressed his lips to hers. Nearly a decade of longing and fantasies had been put into that kiss. How could it have gone so wrong? He sighed as he pushed his way through the front door and ambled directly to the kitchen.

Sookie had been in the kitchen all morning preparing her famous quail with wild rice and barley when she looked up to see Luke standing over her.

She shook her head sadly, "I'm sorry honey, she isn't here. I don't know where she went. Rory called me this morning to tell me that she was going to be away for a while. I don't know where she's gone."

"How could I have lost her so fast, Sookie? She was just here in my arms yesterday." he clutched at his hair and held back his tears.

"Sweetie, this has been a long time coming. She was at my house two nights ago just miserable. She just came in and sat down. She hardly said a word to me the whole night. And then of course you know about what happened at the wedding…" she clasped her hands over her mouth, realizing she had said too much.

Luke crossed the room in two strides to hold Sookie's shoulders. He looked deep into her eyes with all the fear and concern he had been feeling all morning. "Sookie, please. Tell me what happened. What wedding?"

Sookie sighed, "Really Luke, no one ever told you the truth? It was Lane's wedding, and Lorelai was toasted. She got up on stage and started talking about how Lane had managed to get married at twenty-two and that soon , it would be Rory's turn. She mentioned how these young people were able to make a commitment, but not her. Then she started going on and on about her wedding that was not going to happen on June third."

Luke backed away from Sookie and sat down hard on the stool behind him. "And the whole town knew about this? And no one told me anything about it? I think I had a right to know," he said quietly.

"Think about it honey, you weren't there. You were off with that little girl, and no one blames you for that. Lorelai was falling apart in front of the whole town, and we did our best to hide it because we love her."

He sighed and said, "Do you know how I can find Rory? If anyone knows where Lorelai is, she would."

"Yeah, she was leaving for London right after she called last night. Lorelai had told her not to hang around this summer, so she went to see Logan. She said it would be a 7 hour flight, so she should be there by now. Here's the number to the place where she's staying," she said as she handed him a slip of paper. "And Luke? For what it's worth, I hope you find her."

He nodded silently and stalked out the door. The whole town had known. The whole town had known and no one had said a word to him. Hell, even she had known that the whole town knew. He knew that April had taken up much of his time and thoughts, but this was outrageous.

Minutes later, he passed Caesar in the diner on his way up to the apartment, ignoring his employee's greeting. He sat roughly down on the couch and reached for his phone. It seemed like days ago since he was last in here- years since he had last seen Lorelai.

Luke had never dialed an international number before. Rachael had left him numbers many times during her travels, but he had never felt compelled to call her. He was beginning to feel unsure of whether or not he had dialed correctly when Rory's voice answered the other end.

"Hello?" her voice was cracked and sleepy.

"Hey Rory, it's Luke."

"Oh, you," she said without even trying to hide the contempt in her voice. "What do you want?"

Luke had to pause for a moment. He wasn't prepared for the shock he felt when he heard the girl's disdain for him. This was the sweet little Rory that had always seemed to like him. Whatever situation he and Lorelai had been in, Rory had always been kind to him. This new teenage version of her mother was a little unexpected.

"Listen, I'm sorry to wake you up… and I can understand why you're mad at me. I've been an idiot. I know I've been neglecting your mom and I want to fix that. You know how long I've cared about her. Let me have this chance to fix what I've done. Please Rory, I swear I won't hurt her anymore. I just want to make things better."

Rory listened carefully to what he had to say and replied, "I'm sorry, Luke. I honestly don't know where she is. And to tell you the truth, I'm not completely sure I would even tell you if I did know. I know you were going through a major thing, Luke, but you just ignored her. My own father, who has let us down more times than I care to recall, noticed that she was in pain. You were supposed to love her more than that, Luke. I can't tell you how disappointed I am in you."

Although he had been trying to hold in his emotion throughout her speech, her final words were his undoing. With a wretched sigh, he said the only words he could think of, "I know Rory, and all I can say is that I am so, so sorry."

"I'm afraid it's going to take some time this time, Luke. I recommend you give her some time as well," she said shortly before hanging up on him.

Some time. He remembered the last two times those words had been used regarding his relationship status with Lorelai, and both times did not bode well.

_CRASH_

A horrible cacophony of broken glass and trembling earth assaulted Luke's ears. It felt as though the world had been rent apart.


	4. Desperation

Luke bounded down the stairs as fast as his legs would carry him. An old blue Thunderbird lay in the exact spot where two large windows had sat overlooking the town just the last time he passed through his diner. Kirk, he should have known Kirk had something to do with this, got out of the car with trembling legs. Lifting his hands into the air, he shouted to the crowd gathered outside, "I'm ok! I'm ok!"

The overwhelmed diner owner was in a daze as Taylor was in the process of explaining in the most pompous voice he could muster the situation that had led to this unfortunate accident. Truth be told, Taylor had been nervous since the beginning of his narrative because Luke had yet to explode on him as he always did. In fact, Taylor was willing to bet (and he was not a gambling man) that Luke hadn't even heard a word he had said. Indeed, he wasn't even completely sure if Luke had noticed that there was an actual car in his diner.

"So, Luke. I'm assuming here that since it was technically your building that did the damage to my car that your insurance is going to cover the cost of the destruction here?" Taylor weaseled, hoping that Luke's distraction would get him to agree.

"So, um, Luke. What do you want me to do here buddy? Do you want me to pull the car out now; or do you want to wait for the insurance guy to get here? You're the property owner, so you need to make a decision- and you need to make a decision now, 'cause otherwise I need to get out of here."

"Luke!" Taylor chastised, "Are you even listening to me? You could show some sympathy here. After all, it is my car here in your diner, my most prized possession…"

Luke had finally had enough, "All Right!" he yelled, "Listen up! I don't care what the hell you do with the car or the damage. Somebody close up the diner for me, throw a tarp over the hole…I don't care. I don't care! My fiancée, my future wife is missing, damnit, and I have to go and find her!" With a final nod for emphasis, Luke grabbed his keys and rushed out of the diner. Unfortunately, it took him about thirty minutes of wandering around the streets of the town before he realized he had no other place to look for her. She wouldn't have told her parents where she was going, especially if she hadn't even told Rory. Then Luke was suddenly struck with a horrifying thought.

_What if she went back to__** him**__? No, no it's impossible. _Luke was unsure of many things at the moment, but he was sure that the relationship that he and Lorelai had shared meant more to her than that. She was the one that had stayed by his side and remained faithful to him all those months despite the pain it was causing her. No, Lorelai had not gone to Christopher. She was the strong and true one of this relationship. He could not doubt that ever again. But he did always seem to show up when he and Lorelai were at their worst, didn't he?

Luke drove by Babbette and Morey's house to pick up Paul Anka before returning to the diner. He carried the dog up the stairs as he thought of how dark and lonely Lorelai's house looked. It was amazing how everything he knew and loved could change in a day. After settling Paul Anka into his new surroundings, he managed to call April and explain as much of his situation to her as he thought appropriate.

"No, no Dad, it's fine. I like Lorelai. You do what you have to do to get her back. I'll be right here when things settle." She had said to him after carefully listening to his predicament.

Luke had already missed so much of his daughter's life. He knew he couldn't stay away for too long. "I promise, we'll have you back here visiting as soon as everything is cleared up."

As they were saying their goodbyes for the evening, Luke felt the sudden urge to tell her. The abruptness of his estrangement with Lorelai made him realize that he should voice his feelings now before it was too late. "Hey kid?"

"Yeah Dad?" she replied simply.

"You know I love you, right sweetie?"

"Aw, Dad… I love you too."

And that was all he needed to hear from her.

* * *

Luke struggled with the sheets as he tossed and turned that night. The glistening sheen of sweat that covered his body shone in the moonlight and forced the sheets to stick to him all the more. Paul Anka lay reassuringly beside him, reaching his soft, wet nose out from time to time to comfort the troubled human beside him.

"Sorry, Luke," Lorelai leered at him, "My parents were right. Christopher is the better man for me. At least he isn't afraid to ask me to marry him."

She shoved a gold band into his face as she gazed longingly up at the man that had her in his arms. Christopher smiled down at her. Lowering his head, he pulled her into a rough, sloppy kiss- being sure that Luke saw his tongue glide smoothly across her lips. He smiled up at Luke and gave him a cheeky wink.

"Looks like I'm the one that got her this time, huh buddy?" Christopher sneered as he possessively draped his arm across Lorelai's neck and chest. "It just goes to show you- you can't marry outside of your class. She's beautiful, poised, of good breeding, and very wealthy. Why would she want to marry someone like you? It was only a matter of time before she returned to her parents' way of thinking. They like me better, you know."

"No!" Luke cried as he sat up suddenly, almost knocking the startled dog out of the bed. "No," he whispered to himself. "I haven't exhausted all the possibilities yet. I have to find her."

Despite the early hour, Luke threw on a pair of jeans and a flannel shirt, grabbed Paul Anka's leash, and prepared to search for his Lorelai until all the possibilities of her whereabouts had been explored.

* * *

Nearly 12 hours later, Luke placed the dog gently on the floor after carrying him up the stairs to the apartment and collapsed on the bed. It was over; he still couldn't find her. Thinking that perhaps she had gone to Yale despite Rory's absence, he had driven past every dormitory and apartment complex in the area hoping to catch a glimpse of her. Hell, he had even explored the town and driven past Hector's taco place. His emotional state had led him to believe that she had perhaps driven to Harvard, land of broken dreams and perhaps lost opportunities. He had thought of going to Maryland to look for her, but where on earth would he look? He couldn't exactly have combed the entire state looking for her. It was even possible that he was missing her in the places he was driving. Leaving her Jeep at home made her more difficult to find. Did she take a cab? Did someone pick her up? He figured while he was near Boston, he might as well drive past Christopher's place.

He had anxiously jammed the button of the elevator as the door closed. A queasy jolt in his stomach as the elevator ascended had reminded Luke that he had not eaten since the day before yesterday. Unconcerned, his thoughts had once again returned to his missing fiancée. _No way in hell am I going in there if she isn't there, _he had thought nervously. _Oh baby, please don't be there. Don't be there. Please don't be there. Don't…_

He had breathed a sigh of relief as he poked his head out onto Christopher's hallway and saw the very object of his loathing locking his front door and holding hands with the toddler beside him.

_Crap, _he had thought to himself as he jammed the "close door" button as fast as he could, _come on…close!_

Fortune was with him. For just as Christopher had turned around to head towards the elevator, the door closed and began its descent. Luke had leaned against the rail and breathed a heavy sigh of relief.

That luck had continued to follow him to her parents' house. The maid had assured him that the Gilmores' were in Europe for the next couple of months and that no one else was staying at the estate besides the staff. While a part of him had wished that she had been there, he was most certainly grateful not to have to encounter the elder Gilmores' interrogations.

* * *

Luke adjusted his pillow and turned to stare at the dog laying beside him."Well, Paul Anka," he said with despair in his voice, "what do I do now?"


	5. Reveries

It was peculiar how the next several weeks seemed to fly by for Luke despite the fact that each agonizing minute lasted forever. Luke spent the next few days locked up in his apartment staring off into space while repairs on the diner carried on downstairs without him. His responsibility for Paul Anka was the only task that kept him anchored to the real world. It was quite fortunate that he was required to feed the animal, for it was this activity everyday that reminded him to eat himself. Each night, Luke fell into bed- not because he was tired, but because some programming that remained in his brain just told him that it was the appropriate thing to do. He spent his nights miserably contemplating the ceiling- dutifully replaying every moment in his head in which he had wronged his dear beloved. How much strength and love it must have taken for her to remain with him when he had seen her leave men in the dust for much less! What little sleep he did find was fraught with tempestuous storm clouds of doubt and carnal fear for his fiancée's whereabouts and well-being.

After the diner was opened up again, Luke moved about his duties mechanically and unthinkingly. Every morning, he would help his increasingly concerned employees with the breakfast rush before grabbing Paul Anka and heading over to Lorelai's house. Having recently returned from her honeymoon in Mexico, Lane made sure that the diner was always covered for her unavailable boss. Concerned with the bags underneath his eyes and the way his clothes were beginning to hang loosely off of his formerly athletic frame, she had placed a call to Babbette- whose responsibility it now was to make sure that he ate at least one meal that wasn't taken without witnesses. Daily, Luke would find himself sitting underneath the chuppah in her front yard, playing with the grass and dreaming of better days. Those eyes- so ethereally blue and bright as she beamed at him. Her raven waves blowing against her glowing face in the gentle wind took his breath away. But Luke believed that it was her laugh that affected him most. The fact that such an astounding woman could produce such a melodious sound because of something he had said to her was a small miracle that he could never accustom himself to. Then his face would cloud over as he would remember how long it had been since he had seen that miracle. He had smothered her whimsical nature and giddy happiness that was so Lorelai. In a matter of months, he had taken this staggering creature and turned her into a drone- a slave of his gloomy outlook on life. He had taken a strikingly beautiful bird and placed it in a cage until he was settled with his daughter. Luke simmered as the self-loathing slowly ate away at his soul. There was no way that he could ignore this; it had to fixed.

Besides Babbette's visits with masses of food everyday and her mindless chattering, Paul Anka had proven to be a distraction from Luke's need to punish himself. He didn't understand it. Every day that he brought the dog into Lorelai's yard, Paul Anka would frantically find every flower and smaller sized rock in the yard and line them up to the front door. Why couldn't the strange creature just scratch at the door like one sees in so many movies? Tired of Paul Anka's eccentric behavior, he had left the dog at the diner to be cared for by Lane for the remainder of what was to become his solitary wait.

Another distraction that would sometimes awaken Luke from his trance is that he would occasionally imagine that he heard sounds coming from the house. Sobbing, shuffling, or scurrying would be swept up, borne on the wings of the sorrowful breeze to assail Luke's ears with yet another form of torture. It was as if the ghost of the house had known that he had screwed up. It had known that it was all Luke's fault that its mistress was missing.

One afternoon, after Luke had left the diner following the unusually late breakfast rush, he found himself dozing yet again underneath what should have been their future…waiting for his lost love to return home. He often dreamed of her during these times. The enormous weight of her absence combined with his close proximity to what should have been their house was pure torture to his already tormented mind. He would dream of her being happy to be free of him- drinking to excess and being surrounded by Christopher as well as dozens of faceless wealthy men. Conversely, he would also imagine her destroyed by yet another loss of the possibility of "the whole package". It struck Luke that she had always run to him when her dreams for that "couple life" as she called it had failed in the past. Who was she running to now? Where on earth was she? A horrifying thought- would she ever return to Stars Hollow?

This dream, however, was quite different. In his dreams of the past few weeks, she would come to him in a haze of color and emotion- abstract, in a way. No, this was certainly different. The clarity of her angelic face and the deep sea-blue of her eyes contrasted so perfectly with the snow that was surrounding her- sticking to her hair and eyelashes as it fell liberally from the sky. He could see even from this distance the tempest that threatened to erupt from eyes. He stared at the exquisite beauty personified before him, afraid to approach. Blinded by his love for her, he saw her as an angel from heaven- imagining the halo ever brightening her dark curls and brilliant face. Her gossamer wings spread behind her in a gesture of grace and pure divinity. She locked eyes with him as the complete and utter sadness washed over him in waves. Without preamble, she opened those lips that he used to spend so much time contemplating and began to sing with her mellifluously sweet voice:

_Bittersweet memories,_

_That's all I'm taking with me._

_So goodbye, please don't cry._

_We both know I'm not what you need._

_And I will always love you. I will always love you._

_I hope life treats you kind. _

_And I hope you have all you dreamed of._

_And I wish you joy and happiness,_

_But above all, I wish you love._

_And I will always love you. I will always… love…you._

A sudden wail awoke him with a start. Such emotion and pain he had never heard converted into sound before. Somewhere, a woman was in deep, sorrowful agony. A resounding thud echoed from the dead house.

"Lorelai!" Luke yelled as he raced up the stairs. Kicking the door in, he raced into the living room before slipping on a viscous puddle of slime on the floor next to the couch.

_ What the hell? _He thought as he quickly got up and rushed to the woman he had been searching for all these weeks.

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**A/N: As you may have read on my profile, this is my first fanfiction ever. This is also my first attempt at writing a story that wasn't assigned in high school. Please take the time to leave some feedback...and please be gentle!**


	6. Absolution

Luke reached her as fast as humanly possible, sliding to the floor for the second time that day and reaching out to turn her over.

_Her eyes._

The deluge of tears threatened to erupt from beneath his eyelids as he gazed at those eyes so shrouded in misery. Blood-shot and vitreous, they were nothing like those he had been imagining all these weeks. She was no longer the angel he had been dreaming of. She was an apparition- a celestial being that had fallen from grace, covered in a shroud of dark despair. Her tattered wings hung lifeless at her sides and her halo had turned turbid and gray. A cold fear swept over him as he realized that she was no longer moving.

_What's wrong with her?_ He thought frantically. "Lorelai!", he cried as he gently cradled her head against his chest in an effort to shield her from harm.

The veil of love and denial lifted as he gazed at the rest of her body. The teal dress that she had been wearing the last time he laid eyes on her was stained, and her beautiful hair hung lank and dull. Her nose and cracked lips were covered in scabs and dried blood. Consumed with terror, Luke reached out and felt her ribs and hips.

"No," he whispered feverishly into the dark house, "no, no, no, please no!" He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed 911.

"Hello!" he cried frantically into the phone, "I need an ambulance immediately! I just found my fiancée. She's dehydrated and she needs medical attention right now!" A jolt of pain raced through his veins when he reached the word "fiancée". He gave the operator the address and struggled to return the phone to its pocket.

"Lorelai," he gently pleaded, "please Lorelai, wake up."

It wasn't until then that the smell had hit him. The putrid stench overwhelmed his already overloaded senses as the bile rising up his throat threatened to choke him. Luke was reduced to a trembling mass as he gazed around the room. The puddle of mysterious fluid that he had tripped on in his effort to get to her was in fact canned soup. The fallen can had spilled its contents what looked like weeks ago. He found it quite odd that only the noodles and some broth had remained. All of the vegetables were missing. Juice and water bottles covered the floor in their immediate vicinity. The trashcan had been overturned and spilled out onto the floor. "To go" coffee cups littered the floor around that area, but there was something wrong with them. He shifted carefully, making sure not to disturb Lorelai's fragile body, and squinted in that direction. There were holes cut out of the front of each of the cups.

_What the hell?_ He thought again.

Glancing over the empty boxes of Pop-Tarts and Mallormars, he found what he was looking for. She had cut out the front of each of his coffee cups, lining them in a row on the coffee table in front of her.

_Luke's Luke's Luke's Luke's Luke's Luke's Luke's Luke's_

His strength shattered like his broken heart at this sight. The sob welled up from deep within his soul. Had she really been here the whole time? Had he really been spending day after day in her front yard while she had been wasting away body and soul all these weeks- merely yards away from her? Through his watery eyes he looked down at her to see that she too was crying silently and liberally. She still had not moved nor made a sound. How was it possible that she could be so dehydrated and still make tears like that?

An unspeakable sorrow washed over him as he, in that moment, realized the profound responsibility he had to her- that any man in love had towards his woman. He wasn't sure how, but he had made her love him, need him, and want him. By denying her access to his entire heart, he had chained her in this prison of mental torment. She had sentenced herself to death- famishing herself body and soul. His cruelty and betrayal left him feeling contaminated and worthless. The ache left in his heart could not compare to the suffering that she had endured these past months. He had imagined her reaction to that night many times, but he had never thought that his Wonder Woman would die without him.

A torrential downpour of tears fell on Lorelai's face and mingled with her own. Was this the occupational hazard of soul mates? One is not worth much without the other? In a mere matter of months, he had taken this impetuous tender blossom overflowing with eternal joy and strangled her with neglect.

_No, _he thought with intense anguish, _she's not dead. She will not die. It isn't too late for me to fix this. I will fix this if it's the last thing I do. _

In that infinitesimal moment, he knew what he would spend the rest of his life doing. He was going to win back the trust of Lorelai Gilmore, marry her, and spend the rest of eternity making her happy. Luke didn't care how long it took, he was going make sure that Lorelai knew that he would never cause her this agony again.

Luke stood on the front porch and watched as they carried her to the ambulance. He looked up at the sky and silently pleaded…

_Listen, I know you and I don't talk much. Sorry about that. I really need this favor though. Don't let her die because of something I did. Maybe it's too much to ask for a second chance, but I'm asking for it anyway. Forgive me for what I've done and let me have her back. I promise I won't screw it up this time. _

He looked back down to see the ambulance driver staring at him.

"Shouldn't you be driving away right now?" Luke snapped.

The young man shifted uncomfortably and said, "We're taking her to New Miliford Hospital. This is a little too serious for the first aid doctors in Stars Hollow to handle." He looked down as he shifted again, "We're going to need you to come with us."

"What, did you think I was just going to stand here on the porch while you take her off to the hospital? Of course I'm coming with you!"

Luke strode over to his truck as the ambulance driver shook his head and headed back to his vehicle and the sick woman inside it.

* * *

**A/N: Credit goes to the writers of the movie What Dreams May Come for the "Occupational hazards of soulmates" line. Don't forget to review please!**


	7. Revelations

Rory Gilmore had finally settled on the couch for a rare evening of relaxation and reading with her boyfriend, Logan.

"You sure you don't want me to make some popcorn for us, Ace?" he queried, settling his laptop in his lap.

"Logan, honestly, we just finished dinner not 30 minutes ago. You know what a light eater I am." She shot him a sly look from across her book in time to catch him snort at her.

"Right," he replied, setting his laptop on the table once more, "I'll break out the air popper. Be right back."

The harsh sound of the phone's bells made Rory jump with surprise.

"I got it Logan!" she called. "You just keep working on that popcorn, mister!"

A hint of laughter still lingered in her voice as she answered the phone.

"Um, hey Rory. It's Luke."

His voice sounded uncharacteristically docile and bleak. Clearly this man had been suffering for the past few weeks. She felt the defiance rising up within her and instantaneously harden her heart against him. She hadn't heard from her mother since the night they fought, which meant that she still did not want to be found. If Lorelai had not yet forgiven him, neither should she.

"Luke, if my mother hasn't forgiven you in all these weeks, you must have done something pretty bad. I'm not helping you find her. She'll be found when she wants to be found."

Rory's words were an icy blast across his chest. He drew in a shaky breath, silently cursing fate that he had to deliver this horrible news.

"That's just it, Rory." he whispered. "She didn't want to be found… at least not until it was too late. Rory?" he beseeched her for the patience and understanding that these next words would require, "I think your mom has tried to commit suicide." The excruciating pain seared across his chest at these words. "I'm driving behind the ambulance as we speak. They're taking her to New Miliford Hospital. I'm afraid I don't know if she'll live.

"No, you've got it wrong!"she replied with turbulent anguish in he voice, "My mother doesn't fall apart over a guy. She broke up with you before; she was okay! Oh no. No, not mom. She's okay!" She collapsed in a heap on the floor, hand over her mouth as tears dripped from her eyes.

"Rory!" Logan cried as he ran to her, "Rory what's wrong?" He wrapped his arms around in in an effort to pick her up off of the floor, but she had grown hysterical.

With quivering lips, she let loose a cry of lament and misery. "This is your fault, Luke! This is all your fault! You're the one who turned my mother into the kind of girl who waits around keeping her opinions to herself. You're the one that makes her drink and make a fool of herself in front of the whole town. That's not her!" She quieted a little before asking, "How did she try to…you know?"

His voice was weighted with remorse as he simply answered, "Starvation and dehydration."

Her cold and delicate tone made him shiver as she said, "I'm coming right over. I'll keep my cell phone on me at all times. I don't care what the cost is or how much it interferes with the plane's instruments. You call me the very second you hear something more."

"Rory, I'm…"

"I know, Luke. Do me a favor and call everyone? Oh, but don't call my grandparents. They're somewhere in Europe right now, and it's best not to give them news until we have news to give them."

After Luke hung up the phone with Rory, he mentally made a list of who he had left to call. He had already called Lane at the diner to retrieve Rory's phone number from the desk upstairs. He hadn't told her much, just that Lorelai was hurt and to either take care of Paul Anka herself or to send him to Babbette's house. He was unsure of how to handle the situation with the town. Should he tell Miss Patty and let her handle the spreading of the news? No. That was entirely too tactless. Sookie was Lorelai's best friend and business partner. If anyone knew how to handle the spreading of this news with gentility and respect, it would be her.

"Sookie," he said after she had answered the phone, "It's Luke."

After giving her the news and calming her hysterics, she had promised that she would handle any issues with the town. After thanking her and hanging up, he tightened his grip on the steering wheel and focused on the back of the ambulance. His thoughts and soul raced to the stretcher in the back, with the feeble shadow of a woman that lay upon it, along with all of his hopes and dreams for the future.


	8. Inquiries

**A/N: I know the last chapter was pretty short, so I decided to release this one early. **

* * *

Luke had mostly been a pretty even-tempered man in his life. His rants and diatribes that he was so well known for weren't really considered true anger or annoyance. Tonight, however, Luke found himself in one of those rare moments where he felt his control slipping.

"Just let me know what's going on with her! I don't even have to see her! For crying out loud I am her fiancé!" The harsh overhead lighting highlighted the bags underneath his eyes and the pallor of his skin. His expression of defiance and anger intensified as he glared down at the nurse sitting behind the desk.

"I'm sorry sir," she stated simply for what seemed like the tenth time, "I've been given explicit instructions not to allow anyone information on Lorelai Gilmore until further notice." she breathed a sigh of relief as a man and woman stepped off of the elevator across the hall and began walking towards them with an air of importance and severity.

Luke glanced warily at the two suits and then back to the nurse. "So, what? You called security on me? You are having me kicked out because I want to know if my fiancée is going to live or die??

The man reached Luke and gently took hold of his arm. "Sir," he said gently, "would you please come with us to the conference room? There are some things we need to discuss with you."

Luke stared hard at the man, trying to decipher what it was that made him feel uneasy. It wasn't an entirely new feeling, hospitals in general made him feel jittery, but there was something about this man that filled him with loathing. He was the grayest man he had ever seen. His hair was gray, his suit was gray, his skin was gray, and even his eyes were gray. The woman that was with him had the same appearance, except that she was tan. Khaki suit, sandy brown eyes, sandy brown hair…for a moment, Luke wondered if whoever they worked for only hired people that were completely color coordinated.

"All right," he said hesitantly as he followed them to the conference room. He looked back to the nurse, who looked relieved to be rid of him.

"All right," the man sighed as he shut the door behind them, "Let us start with the introductions. I am Agent Mars, and this is my colleague Agent Reichheld. We're from Social Services." The both flashed their badges across his vision quickly before placing them in some sort of side pocket that officials always seem to have in their jackets. "And you, are Lucas Danes, correct?"

"You mean you aren't doctors?" Luke replied with an edge of panic in his voice, "You don't know anything about Lorelai's condition?"

"She's in critical condition, and I'm afraid we can't tell you anymore than that until this investigation is over."

"Critical condition?" Luke bellowed, "Well, some diagnosis that is. Thanks a lot! I could have told you she was in critical condition when I found her! Maybe you should slap a white coat on me and let me run around giving out medications! And what investigation? Just what the hell is going on here?"

Agent Mars tilted his head to the side as he considered Luke carefully. "You seem to be an irascible sort of man. It fit's the profile. When someone in Lorelai's condition is brought in, particularly if that person is a woman, there is usually a man involved in the situation. Unfortunately, it's the kind of world we live in. So tell me, Mr. Danes, just how much responsibility do you take for your fiancée being in this condition?"

Luke opened his mouth to speak, but found he had no words. After a moment, he hung his head and muttered, "I take full responsibility for the condition she is in. I hurt her feelings. We had a fight on the street in front of everyone. She disappeared. I waited for weeks and weeks in her front yard. Why didn't I go in the house? It could have ended so much faster that way… I didn't know." He looked up at the two strangers, his eyes glistening with tears. "It's all my fault."

This certainly was not the answer Agent Mars had been expecting. He had seen many men, hungry for control, beating their wives and locking them up for days and weeks on end. It was an unbearably cruel world we lived in, but it was his job to spread justice to these men. This case, this man, however, felt different somehow.

"Why didn't you go in the house?" Agent Reichheld asked him as she poured herself a cup of coffee on the bar near the window, "Surely after being engaged this long you had a key."

Luke instead chose to direct his answer to Agent Mars. "I don't know. At first I was so panicked that I didn't think to use the key. Then when Morey, that's the next door neighbor, told me that she had left, it didn't feel right going in the house with her gone. If you knew Lorelai, she takes her independence very seriously . That house is her sole possession. A symbol of independence from her family. It's a representation of the life that she and Rory built together. With her being mad at me like that, I couldn't violate that. I couldn't be found there sitting on the couch waiting for her in her sanctuary when she got home. Damnit! If only I hadn't had that sense of righteousness! I could have found her much sooner!" He clutched at his hair in agony.

Agent Reichheld studied this man for a moment. She too had seen many cases of domestic abuse, but there was something different about this one. He seemed to be genuinely concerned about Lorelai's well-being. If his story was true, then he also showed respect for both his fiancée and her property…as well as her relationship with her daughter. It was atypical for a man who was to blame for his counterpart's condition to actually admit that it was entirely his fault. Of course they would have to investigate, but Agent Reichheld had a feeling that this man was innocent.

"I know what you're both thinking," Luke said rubbing his hands over his eyes. "You're both thinking that I locked her up and starved her to death. Well, I didn't, but what I told you makes me just as much to blame."

"Is there anyone that can confirm your story?" Agent Mars asked.

"Sure. Lots of people. Just walk around Stars Hollow and ask anyone on the street about us. Many of the people that frequent the diner at night would have seen the fight in the street. I know that long haired freak was there, as well as some of my staff." He recalled. " All of my staff at the diner have been covering for me while I've been waiting in the yard. You can talk to Sookie at the Dragonfly and Miss Patty- she knows everything that goes on around town. Babbette and Morey know pretty much everything. They both saw me waiting out in her front yard for weeks. They brought me food. Almost everyone there has known me practically all of my life. They'll tell you that I would never hurt her on purpose."

"Okay, Mr. Danes, here's what we're going to do." Agent Mars straightened in his chair and looked directly at him, "We can't allow you access to Ms. Gilmore until it has been assessed that you are not a threat. You are to remain in the state of Connecticut while we conduct our investigations. Due to the sheer number of witnesses and the close proximity they have to each other, this investigation shouldn't take more than a day or two. If you have been sufficiently vouched for, you will be allowed to see Ms. Gilmore, with strict instructions to the nurses that they keep a close eye on you. Unfortunately, the final testimony can only be from Ms. Gilmore when she wakes up."

Luke nodded and handed Agent Mars the slip of paper with Rory's number written on it. "Here. This is Rory Gilmore's cell phone number, her daughter. She's the person closest in the world to Lorelai and the best witness you'll have. "

"Alright Mr. Danes. We'll let you know the results as soon as we're finished. "

"Please hurry. I know I don't deserve, well, anything when it comes to her, but if she doesn't make it… let me… I at least… you know, want to say goodbye." His voice broke on his final words.

The doors swung shut as he stared at the floor. It was a race against time now. He would eventually be there to watch her recover, or he would hopefully be there in time to watch her die.


	9. Deliberation

Luke sat in the cold hard plastic chair with his head hung in his hands. As he miserably contemplated the fibers of his shoelaces, he began to take an account of what he had been doing for the past 8 hours or so to pass the time. He had started off wandering the intensive care unit, casually looking in the windows as he passed in hopes of catching a glimpse of Lorelai. The nurses, already wary of him due to the circumstances for which he was there, advised him that it would be best if he remained in the waiting room. He spent some time flipping through the trashy magazines in the waiting room without really looking at them. It was at about the time that he stumbled upon a worn out copy of the patient's handbook that he realized he should get something to eat. The cafeteria had long been closed, but there were some vending machines located across the hall. One stale turkey sandwich and box of apple juice later, he found himself yet again flipping through the books in the ICU waiting room.

The phone in his pocket rang suddenly, jerking Luke instantly out of the foggy recesses of his mind. He glanced at the sign across from him that stated "Designated Cell Phone Usage Outside Only" and grumbled. Having never been tied to a cell phone as a means to communicate, he never quite realized how inconvenient a "no cell-phone" policy was. Placing his hands on his knees to push himself up, he felt his joints crack and protest to the movement. Luke had never considered himself an old man, but the stress of sleepless nights coupled with his athletic history had certainly taken their toll on his body.

He found a balcony on the floor below. He felt relieved to be out of the stark gloom that only a hospital could cast on the atmosphere. He drew in a shaky breath, glancing at the stars before looking back down and opening his cell phone. Having no time to figure out the messaging system, he ignored the envelope at the top of the screen and dialed Rory's number.

"Luke!" Rory answered without preamble, "Just what in the hell is going on over there?"

Luke was visibly taken aback at the profanity that slipped easily from Rory's seemingly innocent lips. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I forgot that I wouldn't get any reception while I was over the ocean. Then when I landed, I didn't have any messages waiting for me! I was about to call you when somebody, Agent Mars, or whoever, called and started asking me all these ridiculous questions at twelve o' clock at night! Did you know that there's an investigation going on about you? They actually think that you did something to hurt Mom? They said that you weren't allowed to see her or to know anything about her until the investigation had finished! I mean, I know you've been a real jerk these past months, but I know you would never hurt her. Haven't you heard anything at all?" she finished desperately.

Luke had to hold back the smile of relief that threatened to take over the seriousness of the situation. She still had some faith in him, which meant he still had a chance of getting back in with Lorelai's good graces.

"No, I'm afraid not, Rory," he said conciliatorily, trying to assuage the young girl's frenzy. "No one gets to know anything about Lorelai's medical state until you get here. I've already asked, they won't tell you over the phone."

Her voice quavered as she answered, "Alright, I will be there shortly. Logan has arranged for a helicopter to take me to New Miliford. I'm in New York right now. It shouldn't be more than an hour. I'll be there soon."

He returned to the ICU waiting area and resumed his perusal of the patient's handbook. He made a note to himself of where the gift shop was located, thinking that he might buy her some flowers if _-no, when_- she was moved out of the intensive care unit. A memory floated unbidden into his mind of him yelling at her in the entrance to the Dragonfly.

"_You know the last time I bought flowers for someone? Never! That's when. Very easy stat to remember!"_

_Yeah, real romantic there, Danes._ He thought to himself. _Yelling at the girl…very romantic. You apparently still have a lot to learn._ It was the last time he had bought her flowers, too. As much as he would like to deny it, he hadn't planned on getting her anything special that Valentine's Day Weekend they had spent together at Logan's. It didn't matter what kind of guy he was or wasn't, she deserved more. Recalling all of the memories in their past relationship only reiterated that he needed to change. He needed to be that guy for her- the kind of guy that fell over himself and acted all mushy every time she walked into a room. He sighed yet again at the compunction he felt for his casual manner towards the most significant relationship of his life.

He leafed through the section of the handbook that stated what patients were to bring with them to the hospital. _Should I have packed her a bag? _he thought to himself. _It wasn't like I had the time. _With this infernal investigation underway, he figured he would have time to return to the house to pack her some things after Rory arrived. It wasn't like he could be by her bedside anyway.

He looked up in surprise to see Rory walking briskly towards him. Her feeble demeanor had been swept away. She was miraculously composed, impervious to the dreariness that surrounded her. She was the stoic miniature of her mother, albeit still with that touch of innocence that Lorelai always seemed to lack. She strode confidently towards him and said with a commanding timbre, "Take me to the nurse's station."

After spending what seemed like hours with the doctors, Rory returned to the nurse's station where Luke had waited pacing like a wild animal trapped in a cage . Luke could see that her composure had slipped somewhat. Her pallid face looked nervous and scared as her watery eyes were cast down to the floor.

"Okay," she sighed, "here's what we know. She's still in critical condition- in a coma. Her body is in severe shock. She had apparently been starving herself, but she isn't as dehydrated as she should be under the circumstances. Be sure to understand, she is very dehydrated, but the doctors said that she would have been dead already for quite some time if she hadn't been taking in any fluids at all." She trembled a little as she continued. "It's still touch and go. They have IV fluids in her for now, and they plan on inserting a feeding tube once they're sure her body can handle it. Right now they're running some tests to see if she has any organ damage from the lack of nutrients. They said that her chances of living increase greatly if she makes it through the first 24 hours. After that, she would need to go to physical therapy for her atrophied muscles and see a psychiatrist for a while."

Luke brought a quaking hand to his mouth as he whispered, "Oh Lorelai, what have I done?" He held out his hands to Rory in supplication, determined not to cry in front of her.

"Oh Luke," Rory whispered, "I'm so sorry for treating you the way I did."

Luke nearly fell as the girl threw herself into his arms, all traces of that business-like attitude unveiled. He steadied himself as he ran his fingers gently through the hair that was so much like her mother's. "Shh," he whispered tenderly in an effort to alleviate her suffering. Salted drops of overwhelmed emotion fell from her heavy lashes as she rocked in his arms. A whimper of fear and grief escaped her lips as she held him tighter. How like her mother she was. Resilient, angelic, yet a strength and independence that could only be inherited from Lorelai. Yet, like her mother, she wasn't impervious to that little frightened child that hid beneath the many layers of adulthood. Holding her in this vulnerable state sent a wave of paternal instinct, a deep desire to protect this girl from all the dangers of the world to his very core. He thought of April and his dear Lorelai not far away from where they stood. Not one year ago, he had no family to speak of. It was only tonight that he truly knew and understood that he had finally found what he was looking for- he belonged to a family that loved him dearly.


	10. Preparation

He reluctantly relinquished his hold on Rory and looked into her frightened eyes.

"What do you want to do now?" His voice was slightly hoarse from emotion, but strong and reassuring.

"I- I want to see her," she said lifting her chin in an attempt at bravery.

Luke hesitated. "Are you sure? I'm sure she's improved somewhat in the past 10 hours or so, but she looked really, really bad. It's going to take quite a while for her to recover."

Rory shook her head. "No, if it were me in there, she would want to be with me no matter what. I have to be strong for her like she would for me."

Luke stood straighter and nodded, running his hands through his hair and down his neck. "All right. I still won't be allowed to go in with you. Since you'll be keeping an eye on her, I'm going to try to go home and pack some things. I might try to get some rest while I'm there." He placed both hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "I want you to call me the moment anything happens, you hear?"

She nodded and bit her lip in an effort to hold back her tears. She leaned over to hug him, holding on for dear life before letting go and striding purposefully to the desk behind her. Luke stared at her back for a moment, wishing that she didn't have to experience this alone; then he turned on his heel and retreated to the elevators.

Despite Luke's admonishments, Rory was still not prepared for the sight of the frail woman before her. She gasped and placed her hands over her mouth as her eyes roamed over the now unfamiliar visage of what was supposed to be her mother. She cautiously approached the bed, taking care not to get near the assortment of tubes and monitors that anchored Lorelai to life. She took a delicate hand in hers and kissed it, weeping freely. Her mother's cheekbones were pronounced and her face was gaunt, making her nearly unrecognizable. Her expression was unguarded and relaxed, but sad and unfamiliar. Rory tremulously tiptoed to the other side of the bed, the side that was free of machines and tubes, and sat down on the edge with great care. She leaned over her mother's fragile and unconscious body and spoke quietly in her ear.

"Mom?" she pleaded, "mommy please wake up for me. I'm scared." The term of endearment that she had not used for many years slipped easily from her lips as though she had never ceased using it. She never dreamed that her indestructible mother would be here of all places- precariously perched between life and death. She wanted to lie down with her mother as she had so often before in times of the frightening unknown. She wanted shelter and refuge from this terrible emotion that loomed over her. But for the first time in her life, Lorelai Gilmore wasn't there to protect her. Even while living at her grandparent's house, she had always known that she could call upon her mother if she truly needed her. Not now. Now, she was alone.

But what about Luke? If anyone could be considered a father figure, it would be him. He had even given her his mother's pearls for her birthday like a real father would do for his daughter. He had held her out in the waiting room, shushing her and stroking her hair almost like her mother would have done. Rory wasn't quite familiar with the idea of having a father, but if Lorelai wasn't there to help her, perhaps she could learn to depend on Luke more- and understand what having a father truly meant.

The hospital did not allow her to stay in the room too long, as patients in the ICU often had very restrictive visiting allowances. But Rory pulled a chair next to her mother's window and kept watch over her through the night- like Lorelai herself had done for Rory many, many times.

* * *

Luke pulled up beside the diner in the wee hours of the morning and put the truck into park. It was difficult to remember the mundane aspects of his life after all that had happened in the past 12 hours. He still owned a diner. People still came every morning for breakfast and ate here- chatting away with friends and loved ones about their day. He opened the door and trudged up the stairs, too lassitude to bother locking the door to his apartment behind him.

_All right, _he said to himself, _I need to make a list or something of the things that need to be done before I go back. _

Packing was the first thing. Once the ridiculous investigation was over and done with, he didn't have any plans of leaving Lorelai's side. After unceremoniously throwing clothes and toiletries into a small suitcase, he zippered it shut and looked around the room. A note sat on his desk next to the copy of Rory's London telephone number. It was a note from Lane. He leaned over and switched on the lamp, illuminating the previously lugubrious apartment. Luke held the note closer to his face and began to read:

_Luke,_

_I'm not sure if you'll be back in time to read this, but I sent Paul Anka over to Babbette's house. She's taken care of him before and knows all his personality quirks. Sookie came by the diner to let us know what was going on with Lorelai. Caesar and I are coordinating the schedules and bringing in people to cover the diner- so don't worry about it. If there's anything else we can do for you, just let us know. Some people from social services came by asking about you. They said you knew about them, but I thought I'd let you know. It seemed like they planned on talking to the whole town. Don't forget to keep Sookie updated so she can keep bringing us news. _

_Lane_

Luke's lips twitched in what could be construed as a small smile. It was a lucky thing that he lived in such a small town with so many people willing to help him- despite how many times he grumbled otherwise. He reached over and turned out the light again, plunging the apartment once again into semi-darkness- the only illumination coming from the moonlight shining gently through the curtains. Luke felt that he had never been so exhausted in his life. He stepped heavily to the bed and collapsed onto it, falling instantly into a deep sleep.

He awoke nearly 8 hours later with whispers of perdition and empyreal blue eyes still tugging at the edges of his consciousness. Beleaguered by his melancholy, he stomped into the bathroom and turned the squeaky, old-fashioned knobs to the shower. He stepped into the shower, not really caring what temperature the water was. He ducked his head and let the water cascade over over the back of his neck, in hopes of cleansing himself of the heaviness that plagued him. After getting dressed, he took a deep breath and descended the stairs with his suitcase dragging behind him. He pulled the curtain aside and instantaneously felt every eye in the diner focus on him.

"Hi Luke," Lane said soberly as she walked by, "You got my note, right? Let me know if there's anything else we can do for you." She cast a glare of death worthy of Mrs. Kim around the diner and the crowd immediately returned to their meals in silence.

Luke nodded his appreciation. This was embarrassing. Every single person in this tiny little town probably already knew what he was being accused of. Now he had to walk around the town like a cursed marked man. He felt stained and dirty despite his recent shower. Deciding that he had had enough of being on this silent trial, he grabbed a muffin and headed out the door, the bells chiming his departure with an ill befitting cheeriness.

He chewed the muffin slowly as he drove to Lorelai's house. It felt like sand down his throat and settled like a rock in his stomach. How much he missed her! His sleep was riddled with fears and nightmares, food had no taste, and still he suffered. Perhaps this was yet another sample of how Lorelai had suffered for him all those months- and he felt another pang of guilt hit him in the stomach.

He parked the truck at the end of her driveway and pulled out his phone. Squinting in the bright sunlight, he saw that there were no missed calls from Rory. He decided to call April instead. Luke had kept his promise to Anna by keeping in touch with her, but the stress he had experienced with Lorelai's disappearance made him feel disconnected to her.

"Dad?" April's high-pitched tone answered.

"Hey, Kiddo." he answered. He couldn't help but smile at the girl's excitement at speaking to him.

"Hey! I'm so glad you called! I can't talk long, Mom's taking me shopping today. I get to go to my first boy-girl party tonight! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah, hon, that's wonderful, wow. Are you sure you're old enough to be going to boy-girl parties?"

"Dad…" she chastised, "I'm thirteen years old you know."

"Alright, alright. Is there anything else new with you?"

She briefly filled him in on all the happenings in her life. After hanging up the phone, he plodded with heavy steps up Lorelai's front porch. He hesitated for the slightest moment before inserting the key and turning the knob. The wave of stench hit him as powerfully as it had yesterday. It was clear to Luke that there was no way he could pack her clothes and leave the place looking so ragged and morose. He rummaged for the trash bags under the sink and pulled out the entire box. Starting with the kitchen, he began to pick up each wrapper and crumb that was Lorelai's path to her death. He realized about halfway through his thorough cleaning of the downstairs area that there was a pattern, a storyline to her isolation. The lowest layers of garbage seemed to be made up of her usual junk food: Pop-Tarts, Mallomars, Red Vines. Then suddenly there was a shift in her eating habits: juice, water, vegetables from the soup can, and even a few peach cups littered the area around where she had lain. She had been thinking of him- perhaps it was just his imagination, but then again, it was a possibility. After all, it was only he that kept encouraging her to eat more healthily. After cleaning up the congealed soup from the floor, he ran his hand over the dried area of the wood. It would have to be refinished-the soup that had settled there for so long had eaten away the varnish. Luke decided that he would take care of that when this whole thing was behind them.

As he was taking out the trash, Babbette's screech assaulted his ears, and he turned to face her.

"Oh Sugah! Come 'ere. I heard what they was saying down at the diner this morning'! 'Course, them Social Service people already been by the house! The poor doll face! Is she alright? 'Course I knew you had nothing' to do with it, an' I told em so! Told 'em they were crazy for even askin'!" She pulled Luke into a tight hug as he tried to bend over her to reciprocate.

"Yeah, Babbette," he said distractedly, "They aren't really sure if she'll make it or not." His thoughts took flight of their own accord as they wandered back to the moldy couch in the living room. Had she spilled something on it, causing the mildew to take over a brand new couch? "She's gonna need a new couch," he said half to himself.

Babbette worriedly gazed at the lost man before her. "Alright honey, I'm gonna let you go then. You let me know if ya need anything' alright? Morey! I'm comin' home!" Still glancing over her shoulder, she shuffled back next door.

Luke wasn't sure how he had done it, but he somehow managed to pack Lorelai's things: a bathrobe, her entire drawer of nightgowns and pajamas, everything on the counter in her bathroom (figuring anything in the cabinets she would use less often), and the magazines that covered her bedside table. He had managed somehow to drive back to the hospital and make it halfway across the parking lot before he realized his surroundings. Just as he was heading towards the modern looking double doors, his cell phone rang in his pocket.

"Luke?" he heard her anxious voice call on the other end of the line, "Where are you?"

He glanced up at the building that loomed before him as he answered, "I'm in the parking lot, I'm almost there. Has anything changed?"

"Kind of" she answered. She's still in the same condition, but they are talking about moving her out of the ICU tomorrow. Um, agent Mars stopped by, the inquiry is over. You're allowed to see her now."

Relief washed over him in turbulent waves. "Oh Rory, that's wonderful news!" He hung up the phone and immediately sprinted to the double doors, eager to see and touch his fiancée at last.


	11. Visitation

The nurses trapped in the elevator with Luke gazed on uncertainly as he tapped his fingers rapidly against the sides of his legs and bounced on the balls of his feet while nervously humming to himself. The reverberation of the bell signaling the opened doors had not yet finished when he dashed out of the confined space full of people with looks of bewilderment on their faces. He took an immediate right and briskly strode right into Agent Mars heading in the opposite direction.

"Oh, sorry," Luke said straightening himself and checking to make sure he had not hurt the man.

"Mr. Danes, I take it you've spoken to your future step-daughter? I can't imagine where else you would be heading in such a hurry." Agent Mars raised his eyebrows at the out-of-breath man standing before him. "I've instructed the nurses and doctors to keep watch when you're in the room, but not to linger. Your charming town gave us both quite an earful when they heard about why we were there. A man named Taylor Doose held court at a specially held town meeting this morning with a full eye-witness account from nearly every citizen of Stars Hollow. That town most certainly adores you, but here's the thing: I can't legally exonerate you of all suspicion until we receive Ms. Gilmore's account- surely you understand…particularly with your previous history with acts of violence. A woman by the name of Miss Patty informed us that your incident with the car was uncharacteristic and that your divorce was amicable, but it is on paper and we do need to be careful in times like these."

Luke had been fidgeting throughout the agent's speech. He ran his hands through his hair nervously as he said, "Yes sir, yes I understand. Listen, I don't mean to be rude, but I don't really care about this whole thing right now. I've been waiting for nearly 24 hours to see my fiancée you see…"

"Oh yes, yes!" he nodded, "Please, don't let me keep you! Good luck with everything, Mr. Danes." Stepping aside, he allowed Luke to resume his dash to the nurse's station where he found a waiting Rory standing beside the window to what he suspected to be Lorelai's room.

"Hey," she hugged him, "I'm so glad you made it here so fast! Go ahead and go in now, the doctor is in with her." She gestured to the door.

Luke crept in cautiously and peered around the doorframe. The doctor looked up as he came in and smiled.

"Hello, you must be Luke. Lorelai's fiancé?"

"Uh, yeah…that's me"

"Well, hello, Mr. Danes. I'm Doctor Zimmerman. I'm just adjusting the flow on Ms. Gilmore's IV. We have here what we call a banana bag- basically a bag of fluids and nutrients to help her regain her strength. She should be able to handle a feeding tube once we move her tomorrow. The tests have come back, there doesn't seem to be any serious organ damage, so she should eventually make a full recovery. I've already spoken with your step-daughter about the process of recovery once she's awake. She'll have to attend physical therapy for a couple of months- as she is suffering from extensive muscle atrophy. Now, this is classified as an attempted suicide, so she is required to attend at least one session with a psychiatrist. If she follows our planned outline, I don't see why she shouldn't make a complete, if not rather lengthy recovery. Did you have any questions for me?"

Luke was overwhelmed with relief. He squeezed his eyes shut momentarily in an effort to hold back the impending emotion threatening to well up from within him before looking at the doctor. "Yeah, I do have a question. If she's going to be ok, why is she still in a coma? When is she going to wake up?"

Doctor Zimmerman shook his head as he glanced down at Lorelai's chart. "I'm afraid I can't say when she'll wake up. Her vitals and brain activity are normal, so she shouldn't be in a coma for too long now that she is receiving the proper care. Lapsing into a coma is the body's way of shutting down unnecessary functions in an attempt to regroup and recuperate. With the body at rest, the brain can redirect all of its energy to healing. I can only tell you that Ms. Gilmore will wake up when her body tells her that it is time to do so."

Luke nodded and thanked Dr. Zimmerman as he watched him leave the room. Alone with his Lorelai at last, he finally turned and focused his attention on her. Her tenuous frame had all the frailty of the wings of a butterfly. Luke tentatively reached out to clutch her skeletal hand. He brought his other hand up slowly to stroke the back of it, a shudder running down his spine at the sight of her translucent skin.

"Oh, Lorelai," he murmured into her ear, attempting to trap every molecule of love and devotion he felt into the three syllables of her name, "I am so, so sorry. Look what I've done to you."

However, despite her debilitated appearance, she seemed serene and tranquil. Her expression led Luke to believe that she was merely slumbering peacefully instead of in a coma- like a bear in hibernation or a tree that goes dormant in the wintertime. She was his worn and wilted rose. A wave of helplessness washed over him as he ached to gather her in his arms and never let her go.

"The doctor says you're going to be fine eventually," he said as he gazed at the tiles in the ceiling. "Lorelai," he coaxed, "I know that everything has always happened in our lives on your time, but I would really appreciate it if you would wake up. Now, would be great actually. I just want to tell you how much I love you and how profoundly sorry I am for all of this." He looked down at her passive face, unaccustomed to her sunken cheeks and her cadaverous coloring. "All right, I'm going to talk to Rory for a minute; but I promise you I am going to be nearby no matter what. Do you hear me Lorelai?" He kissed her forehead lovingly and brushed her cheek with the back of his hand before quietly exiting.

"She looks better." Luke stated immediately upon seeing Rory's upturned face. She stood and hugged him again.

"Thanks, Luke. You have no idea what you being here means to me."

"Hey, it's no big deal, it's my fault she's in this position in the first place. Listen, I've already rested up. I have things packed and waiting for me in the truck. Why don't you go back to Stars Hollow? And hey, you can go ahead and stay at my place if staying at your mom's alone is, you know, uncomfortable."

"Thanks Luke. I think I'll take you up on that offer." she yawned and pushed the strands of hair that had escaped from her ponytail out of her face.

"Hey Rory? I know this isn't really my business, but you should really call your grandparents. Believe me, I would rather not have them involved, but they're family. The longer you wait, the more upset they're going to be."

Guilt eclipsed her face as she gazed up at him with those bright, innocent blue eyes. "I know. I figure I'll call them before I come back tomorrow. They'll be moving her out of the ICU then, and it may seem a little less serious."

"You know the situation is going to be serious to your grandparents no matter what part of the hospital Lorelai is in. You know that, right?"

She sighed and said, "Yeah, I know. Where are you going to be?"

"I thought I'd take over that chair you left by your mother's window."

"All right. I'll see you tomorrow, Luke. Remember to call me if she wakes up, ok?"


	12. Confessions

Rory slowly opened her eyes and took in the sight of her mother's bedroom. Daylight had broken long ago, and the sunlight was now streaming boldly through the gauzy white curtains of the window. She had thought about sleeping in the apartment above the diner, but some intangible magnetism had compelled her to this spot. Feeling empty sleeping in her own bed in the ghostly house, she had climbed the stairs to sleep soundly in her mother's bed. She sank into the soft blankets as they enveloped her- like her mother's own soft embrace as she had drifted to sleep.

After showering and getting dressed in clean clothes, she shuffled downstairs, glancing for the first time at the spot where Luke had found her mother. Where had the couch gone? It was just as well, because from the description that Luke had given her, the couch was in no shape to be saved. Still- had he dragged it out on his own when he came back to clean up? A cloud eclipsed the sun and cast a shadow on the living room as she bent down to graze her fingertips across the rough unfinished spot on the floor next to where the couch would have been.

_I don't even want to know what happened here. _She shivered.

Her stomach rumbled as she entered the kitchen. There was no point in looking into the refrigerator or cabinets as she knew all too painfully that her mother had not shopped in over two months. She instead made the right turn into her room to pack clothes for her stay at the hospital. She sighed as she glanced at the calendar on her wall. She knew she had to go back to school in August if she wanted to graduate on time, but what if her mother wasn't in any state to be by herself? Four weeks- she only had four more weeks until move-in started. Rory knew that she would not leave her mother if she wasn't ready when the time came- no matter the cost.

After loading the car, she headed over to Luke's. She needed to check on Lane to find out about her honeymoon as well as inform the rest of the town about Lorelai's condition.

"Hey," she called to Lane as the bells rung out her arrival.

"Oh my gosh! You're here! How's Lorelai? How was your trip? Oh my gosh I have so much to tell you!" she finished with a note of panic in her voice.

Rory updated Lane on her mother's condition, informing her to make sure that it was passed around the town. She told her about her trip to London and her time with Logan.

"Well, it's a good thing Logan is so far away. You're lucky." she whispered conspiratorially into her friend's ear.

Rory started, "What on earth are you talking about?"

"Sex," she said matter-of-factly, "I know it's bad. Really really really bad."

Lane told her friend all about her horrible honeymoon and her attempt at reenacting "From Here to Eternity" before dropping the biggest news that morning.

"You're what?!" Rory said, her eyes as round as saucers.

"Yeah, I know, and I have no idea what to do! I can't be pregnant! I've only been married to Zach for like, two seconds!"

"Oh my gosh, wow, Lane. A baby." she whispered in amazement. "How did Zach take it?"

Lane hung her head and murmured, "He doesn't know yet. I still need to process." She suddenly lifted her head and smiled brightly. "Anyway, you probably came here for food. Want something to eat?"

Rory recognized her friend's poor attempt at a segue and ordered. After she had finished her lunch and was walking briskly back to her car, her cell phone rang.

"Hello Rory!" her grandfather's cheerful voice rang through the phone. "How are you? We just got back from Europe last night and I just couldn't wait any longer to call you! I brought back the most wonderful gift for you. I won't spoil it now, though. You'll have to wait for dinner this Friday."

"Grandpa!" she said in shock. "I thought you weren't supposed to get back until tomorrow!" Her mind was racing frantically. Should she tell him now? She would have to tell him now. There was no way that she could talk to him today and have him find out later that she had been hiding it from him. It was better that it was her grandfather anyway, right? Surely the reaction would be less dramatic.

"Well, we weren't supposed to come home until tomorrow night, but the airline called us and said that the plane had been overbooked. They wanted to put us in the economy class seats! Can you imagine that?! Well, I got on the phone with Marcus Grover, he works in the upper reaches of the corporation, let me tell you, he gave us an entire row of first class seats for the price of two seats if we left a day early! Well, I jumped at it of course!" He noticed the silence on the other end of the line before asking, "Is everything all right, Rory? You seem to be very quiet."

"Um, yes- no." she replied hesitantly," Listen, I was going to wait until you got home to tell you because I didn't want to ruin your trip. Anyway, it isn't like she isn't going to make it or anything. She's going to be fine. Luke found her in time and everything is going to be ok. We were going to call you if things got any worse, but they didn't. I just wanted you to not be stressed out on the way home like I was."

"Rory, Rory! Please calm down. I'm afraid I have no idea what you are talking about. Now please start again. Who is going to be fine?"

"I'm sorry, this whole thing has just been so stressful. It's Mom, Grandpa. Luke and Mom got into some sort of fight. Then she lied to everyone to make her think that she was out of town. She tried to commit suicide, but Luke caught her in time. She's at New Miliford Hospital. I'm so, so sorry, Grandpa."

There was silence at the other end of the line before Richard spoke. "All right, Rory. I'm going to tell your grandmother and we'll be right over." he sighed deeply before hanging up.

Rory ran to her car and jumped in. She had to make sure to be there before the elder Gilmore's got there and cornered Luke.

* * *

Susan Renada had been working the night shift at New Miliford Hospital for the past 15 years. They had just recently transferred her to the ICU nurse's station last year because her predecessor had retired. She stood up slightly and looked over the counter at the haggard man sitting in front of the window before him. Ridiculous. Social Services wanted her to baby sit visitors now as well as the ten or so people lying helplessly in the beds? She shook her head at the absurdity of it. Susan had seen so many patients and their visitors come and leave this hospital. She had seen many different sorts of people from many different walks of life. She had seen child molesters, wife beaters, drug dealers and their customers, priests, wives, brothers, mothers, rich, and poor. It kind of turned a person into an excellent judge of character. Being able to read people as soon as they walked into the room was a sort of talent of hers that she took very seriously.

The day nurse had hated him from the very moment the first syllable had come from his lips. Of course he was going to yell at her, the silly little bint, she was withholding information on his fiancée. Megan was always quick to judge without thinking. Now that he was allowed to visit the woman, Megan had found him even more creepy- staring in the window at her for hours, not removing his eyes from her emaciated body for even a moment. That green jacket and flannel shirt he always wore made him look like a homeless vagabond. The constant presence of stubble made him look unwashed and a little like a convict. But Susan knew better. She had seen the look of complete and utter terror behind his eyes as he stared faithfully in the window all night long. She watched as he would enter her room every once in a while to hold her hand and kiss her forehead. Susan had seen so many husbands watch over their wives in times of ill health. She could tell the devoted ones from the deadbeats in moments. This man, Luke Danes, was certainly not a deadbeat. Her experience-hardened heart melted a little at the look of complete devotion and love that had spread across his face as he kept watch over this woman through most of the night. When he finally drifted off to sleep, she crept from behind the counter and to the linen closet to pull out a pillow and a blanket. She spread the blanket gently over his body, being careful not to wake him, and lifted his head to place the pillow beneath.

"Lorelai." he whispered sleepily.

"Shhh." she murmured before turning back to her desk.

She certainly hoped those two knew how good they had it.


	13. Comparisons

"Mr. Danes? Excuse me, Mr. Danes?" Dr. Zimmerman gently shook Luke's shoulder until he stirred. "I'm sorry to bother you Mr. Danes, but they are moving your fiancée out of the ICU now. I thought you'd want to know."

"Oh." Luke said as he stirred sleepily and looked at his watch. "I thought they weren't going to move her for another three hours or so."

"We weren't, but a bed came up in a room downstairs and I thought we should take it while it's available. I don't have to tell you how small a hospital this is. Finding beds can sometimes be difficult. Are you feeling okay this morning?" He looked at the man's tired pale face and wrinkled clothes.

"Yeah, I'm fine." Luke replied, rubbing his hands over his eyes and smoothing his hair.

"Ok," he said officially as he began to follow Lorelai's bed and motioned for Luke to follow. "We're inserting the feeding tube as soon as we get her settled into her new room. We're going to ask that you wait outside until this procedure is done. This tube will provide more substantial nutrition to Ms. Gilmore and hopefully allow her to recover more quickly. Once her body begins to gain strength at a more rapid pace, it shouldn't be too much longer until she wakes up. Do you have any questions?"

"Yeah, will I be allowed to stay with her in this room?"

"Yes, this is a general med/surge floor. Visitors are encouraged to stick with the suggested visiting hours, but close family are allowed to stay as long as they want. We can also arrange for a tray of food to be brought from the cafeteria for an additional charge so you don't have to leave the room if you'd like."

"Yeah, that sounds good," he said slowly. "Let's go ahead and do that."

"Okay. Please wait out here while we insert Ms. Gilmore's feeding tube. You'll be allowed to visit in just a few minutes."

After Dr. Zimmerman and the nurses had left, Luke walked in slowly and peered around the edge of the door. He was surprised to see that Lorelai was not alone.

"Hi there, name's Arthur Reynolds. This here's my wife, Amelia." He gestured to the unconscious woman lying next to him.

"Luke Danes," he replied, "And my fiancée, Lorelai."

"Lorelai," the old man said as he reached over to grasp his weathered hands with Luke's, "a very pretty name."

Luke smiled and looked down at the sleeping woman before him. "Yes, it certainly is." he replied. He looked carefully over both the man and the woman. Arthur appeared to be in his seventies- strong and healthy for his age, but still weathered and slow. His back was hunched and his movements were glacial as he bent over to hold his wife's hand. Luke was mortified upon looking at Amelia's state. She looked like a 200 year old corpse that was still able to somehow breathe. Her wrinkled skin hung loosely from her bones and her cheeks were sunken and hollow. Luke staggered into the chair, feeling as if he had been dealt a severe blow to the gut. Subtract about 160 years from the woman lying in that bed, and she would have looked just like Lorelai.

"So I guess they figured we could keep each other company," Arthur mused. "Damn doctors always think they have a sense of humor." It was clear to Luke that Arthur had noticed the similarities in both of their situations. "She's got Alzheimer's," he answered Luke's silent question. "Goin' on seven years now. Been married to me for seventy years, and all that time she always thought I was gonna go first. I gotta tell ya, I wish she was right." He lovingly stroked his wife's hair and looked up at Luke.

"Aren't you scared to lose her?" Luke asked, knowing that if it were Lorelai in that position, he would be on his knees begging God to let him keep her.

"Well, sure son. But I spent the last 70 years with her, the last 7 taking care of her. We both been on this earth 90 some-odd years. It's time for the both of us to be movin' on really. You spend that much time with a person, you get to know her moods- what she's gonna do. You become the same person really. But it don't come easy. You have to work at it." he punched the air to emphasize his point. "You think we been like this our whole lives? Hell no, we fought like cats and dogs first ten years we were married. But you gotta stick it out. Love takes work ya know. Eventually I learned to shut my mouth and just go along with whatever she says. Takes a while for a man to learn to swallow his pride like that." He sighed and looked around the room. "She's still here though, I can feel it. She still goes in and out…sometimes even says stuff. Doc says I'm pretty lucky to have her as lucid as she is. Poor thing actually makes some sense once in a while. Don't matter though. She ain't gonna wait til she's all gone. It's almost her time; and when it comes I got to let her move on."

Luke thought about the old man's words. What a journey those two must have taken-the stories they could probably tell. He looked down to Lorelai's face. Would they have a journey that long and full before them? The problems that they had been facing seemed minuscule and puerile next to the seemingly timeless couple next to them. Luke had had fantasies about his immediate future with Lorelai many times, but he had never thought of them growing old like this. He had never thought of that experienced love that could only be brought by decades of living. His parents never had that chance as his mother had died so young. He tried to imagine how life would have turned out for him if his parents had been given the chance that Arthur and Amelia had, but it was impossible to dream up. He most likely wouldn't have the bounding heart and vivacious enigma that was lying before him if they had managed to survive. He hoped with every fiber of his being that she would accept his apology when she woke up so that they could continue on their path to a full and happy life as they should- together.

"Don't worry, boy." the old man said, studying the progression of emotions flitting across Luke's face. "She'll forgive you."

Luke's eyes widened momentarily before replying. "What do you me- how did you know?"

The bright green eyes twinkled with laughter as he said, "Come on, son. I done told you I been on this earth 90 years. Don't take nothin' but common sense to know that a man with that look on his face is always in some kinda trouble with his woman..."

Luke spent a couple of hours chatting easily with the man as they both looked after the most important women in their lives. He had been right- Arthur did have some interesting stories to tell. Food trays soon arrived for both of them.

"Damn hospital food. Lost myself 15 pounds eatin' nothin' but. Oh well, better than nothin' I suppose." He continued to tell Luke about his time as a boy on a farm during the Great Depression.

"Life is a fight, boy. You can either stand alone and let the waves pound against your body as you toil to make a livin' in this world, or you can let her stand beside you." he gave a stiff nod in Lorelai's direction. "If you let her, she'll make the darkness brighter and the gale less tiresome. But this ain't no one way ticket- you gotta be there for her too. You gotta pick her up and brush her off just as she'd do for you. That's the only way to make this world worth livin' in if you ask me. Course, nobody ever asks me."

Luke swallowed hard. He let the shiver of acknowledgment run down his spine as he looked from Arthur to Lorelai. The old man's piercing green gaze gave Luke the feeling that Arthur knew much more than he was letting on.

After an hour or so of lighter conversation, Arthur began to doze a little. Luke flipped through the channels of the TV on mute, trying to find a baseball game.

Amelia suddenly turned her head and coughed liberally into the side of her pillow. The spasms wracked her frail body, and for a moment, Luke was afraid that they would shake the poor woman to pieces. Arthur stirred and patted her gently on the back until she turned back to facing the ceiling and quieted.

"Shh." he whispered to her. "Go back to sleep now. It's all right. I'm here if ya need anything."

Amelia shuddered violently before turning her eerie gaze upon Luke. "She's sorry. She loves you and she'll be here soon." Amelia groaned before drifting back into unconsciousness. Luke's eyes widened with fear and wonder and he glanced back down to Lorelai's face. His trembling hand reached out for hers as a blind man gropes in the dark.

"Don't worry about her. Doc says her mind's still here even though she don't look like it. She probably heard us talkin' and her brain got all confused." he looked worriedly at Luke.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Luke said uncertainly.

Luke shifted in his seat uncomfortably and stared at the floor. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Rory burst into the room- her chest heaving and her eyes wild.

"Don't do that!" she admonished, "I went to the ICU and Mom was gone! I had no idea where to look. Luckily, the day nurse was able to point me in the right direction or I would have had a heart attack! Not that this isn't the best place to have a heart attack if you are going to have one but…" she paused as she gazed at the silent occupants of the room. " Um, I talked to Grandpa. They're coming right over, so you might want to prepare."

"Great," Luke sighed. "Can you sit with your mother while I try to make myself look presentable?

"Sure, but hurry back please!" she said as she glanced nervously at the strangers in the room.

Luke stood quickly and headed out to the truck where he had left his bags and extra clothes.


	14. Hostility

The last time Luke remembered being so nervous was when he was getting dressed for Liz's wedding- knowing that he was going on his first date with Lorelai Gilmore. He had packed every type of outfit imaginable in preparation for this event, knowing that no matter what type of clothing he wore, he would be sending the wrong message to Lorelai's parents. He ended up slipping on his charcoal grey pants that Lorelai had purchased for him five years ago. He couldn't help but chuckle softly at the memory.

"_Beautiful pants…so soft. I don't know what this fabric is, but I think I want to have its baby."_

Was everything in his life now connected to Lorelai in some way? After putting on the belt that she had bought for him, he began the arduous task of squeezing himself into the navy blue sweater. It took no effort at all to recall how she had held up a similar piece of fabric, only in black, informing him that she had bought him three different colors. At the time, Luke wasn't sure what he was going to do with three tiny pieces of skimpy fabric, but after spending some time examining them alone in his room, he came to understand that these were in fact stretchy shirts and not complicated and expensive-looking towels or something.

Luke hoped with all his might that this outfit would be appropriate. It was dark and somber to match the mood, but not all black to indicate that this was a funeral. It was purchased by Lorelai, so it had to be of a higher quality than the "simple cloth" that he usually wore, right?

"Damnit!" His frustrated outburst echoed off of the tiles of the empty bathroom. He slammed his fists against the sides of the sink and looked miserably up at his reflection. Who on earth could make Luke Danes think so much about something as simple as clothes but the Gilmores? Why on earth did it matter so much?

"_Takes a while for a man to learn to swallow his pride like that,"_ Arthur's voice echoed in his ear.

_Swallow your pride. _If he had faced reality in the first place and swallowed his pride, he would have allowed Lorelai into April's life and he wouldn't even have been in this position.

He took a few deep, calming breaths before dabbing on the cologne that Lorelai had got for him last Christmas and gathered his belongings. If he timed it right, he may have a little time to stop by the gift shop before heading back up to her room.

He slowly turned the corner to the gift shop and peeked in. The room was overflowing with the clichéd sentiments of well-wishers. Colored globes vibrantly screamed, "It's a boy" and "Get well soon!" as they floated gracefully against the ceiling, bumping into one another occasionally. Cards, in Luke's opinion, were a waste of money. Why would you pay five dollars for a piece of cardboard when you could save your money and just say it yourself? Would it be considered crass to get her candy? He knew that the old Lorelai would be delighted at the sight of chocolate covered espresso beans, but this new Lorelai that had so recently come close to death by withholding food was foreign to him. He decided that it was safest to skip it. The large and expensive bouquets of flowers were a slap in the face to anyone wishing to purchase a loved one something to cheer their room up. How could these people live with themselves, gouging money from the sick? His eyes passed over the drab and standard flowers that were given so often by well-meaning visitors who seemed to be confused as to whether they should be visiting the patient or mourning them. He finally found a cheerful bouquet shoved in the back. It was large and colorful with Dendrobium Orchids, Casablanca Lilies, and Birds of Paradise- exuding that sunny yet beautiful and delicate disposition that he had seen so often reflected in Lorelai's eyes. He turned the bouquet, squinting to find the price among the other many numbers covering the tiny tag.

"Holy crap!" he yelled as he straightened suddenly, looking to the startled girl sitting behind the counter. "Why are these so expensive?"

"Well," she said with a snotty air of impatience as if she were having to explain to a grown man than two plus two equaled four, "it's not like you can grow those flowers in your typical Connecticut backyard, can you?"

"Right, yeah. Didn't think about that," he said sheepishly. Exotic or not, he still thought the flowers were overpriced. Nevertheless, he placed them on the counter along with a stuffed monkey that played the cymbals when the feet were pressed.

As soon as the elevator doors opened onto Lorelai's floor, he knew that the elder Gilmores had arrived. Emily Gilmore's high-pitched screech could be heard easily from any location on the entire floor.

"How dare you put my daughter in a room with that morbid couple. What are you trying to insinuate, that my daughter is going to die? Do you know who my grandfather was? He founded the Hartford Memorial Hospital! If he knew of what you have done to a member of his prominent family, the only medical position you would be capable of holding would be to pass out lollipops to children in the hallways!"

"Mrs. Gilmore, please understand," the frightened nurse interrupted, "this is a much smaller hospital than Hartford…"

"I don't care! You don't put one of your own doctors coming in for treatment with two corpses. You give them their own room! I don't care how small your hospital is! If all your private rooms are full, bump someone!" she screamed, gesticulating wildly. The girl before her flinched nervously as if she feared being struck by the older woman's chaotic movements.

"I'll see what I can do," the girl said, nearly in tears as she practically ran from the nurse's station.

Luke took a nervous breath and began to advance towards her, wondering only briefly where Mr. Gilmore was at this moment. Before he could reach her, she spun around violently and stared him in the face. Fire flashed dangerously in her narrowed eyes as she advanced on him with the fury of a raging storm.

"You!" she spat, her expression full of malice.

Luke trembled a little in spite of himself as Mrs. Gilmore continued to glare at him, apparently repulsed by his presence.

"You need to leave, right now," she said in a low and dangerous voice. "I do not want you here when she wakes up. You are never to see her again, do you understand me?"

Luke's temper instantly boiled to a breaking point. The muscles in his jaw worked menacingly as he managed to bite back his retort.

_Swallow your pride. Swallow your pride. _The mantra in his head repeated as he felt the control slowly returning.

"Emily, I…"

"That's Mrs. Gilmore to you! You are lucky I don't fetch Richard to take care of you right now! Now get out, you filthy wretch! I don't ever want to see you near my daughter or my granddaughter again!"

A whirlwind of force and color blew past them, hooking on to both Luke's and Emily's wrists and pulling them sharply towards the door to the balcony.


	15. Acceptance

"Rory!" Emily protested, "Just what on earth do you think you are doing? Let go of me immediately! You do not handle your grandmother this way young lady!"

Rory ignored her. She pulled the two of them to the door, only releasing Luke's hand long enough to throw the door open and forcibly usher the two of them out onto the balcony.

"Rory, what is wrong with you? You should be manhandling him, I agree, but I've done nothing…"

"Grandma!" Rory thundered. "You are screaming at someone who has done absolutely nothing wrong in a hospital full of people who are sick! You go on and on about proper protocol and manners, but when you're the one that's upset, all of that decorum goes right out the window. It's time to stop the hypocrisy here and now. Now, we're all adults here, why can't we just have a rational conversation?"

Emily was incensed. "By what means do you have the right to speak in such a caustic manner to me? I am your grandmother!"

"Yes, and it is my duty as your granddaughter to inform you that the manner in which you are treating my father is unacceptable!" her vituperative tone faded as soon as she realized the word had escaped from her mouth. She turned her head towards Luke, horrified by how he might react.

She had spent much of last night in her mother's bed contemplating all that Luke had done for her. She had even looked up several dictionary definitions of the word "father". Although her own father certainly fit the description of "a man who has begotten a child", he couldn't truly be described as "a man who exercises paternal care over other persons; paternal protector or provider". Luke had been the only man in her life that could fit that description. She had long harbored a secret desire for her mother to get married- to any man that made her happy, but only with Luke could she ever imagine calling a man other than her biological father "Dad". She had apparently obsessed over the thought so thoroughly last night that the word had slipped unbidden from her lips.

The blush that crept over Luke's cheeks made him immediately lower his head. A small smile spread across his haggard features. His heavy lashes blinked furiously as he tried to hold back the tears that threatened to break through their barriers. It had meant the world to him when April had called him "Dad" for the first time, but he couldn't keep the back of his mind from saying that it was his right as her biological father. He had merely earned the girl's trust and affection to the point that she had admitted and expressed the truth. Rory, however, was not his daughter- she belonged to another man. The fact that he had made such an impression on her that she would create a bond that didn't exist in reality was overwhelming. He glanced up just enough to see Rory's look of fear, not changing his own expression so that she saw how moved he was by her sentiment.

There was, however, one person in this conversation that had not been touched to hear the words that had been shouted. Emily Gilmore took a step back, as if slapped across the face by the words her granddaughter had so forcefully announced. She looked to Luke, her eyes wide with hurt and defiance.

"You got married?" she said softly as if she couldn't believe she had found herself asking such a question to a man who looked as if he were a convict.

Luke shifted uncomfortably from side to side as he stared at the littered concrete beneath his feet. "Uh, no," he looked to Rory for assistance.

"Listen, it doesn't matter what I call him. The fact of the matter is that you don't have any right to scream at him like that. Yes, he and Mom had a fight. But if it weren't for the man standing in front of you right now, your daughter would have died alone in her house. He sat on the steps everyday, waiting for her to come home- because that's who he is. He has always taken care of us, no matter how inconvenient it was. And I know that he isn't as high class or as well bred as you would like him to be, but the truth of the matter is that there is no one on this entire planet that will take care of us the way he has taken care of us this past decade."

Luke and Rory shared a glance. She saw the questioning look in his eyes and knew what he wanted to ask. "Lane filled me in on the past few weeks," she said softly.

Emily straightened herself imperiously and raised her chin in the air. "Well," she said in an authoritative manner, "I must say that she does have a point. I've watched the two of you dance around each other for years. I knew it was going to happen one day, mainly because I had never seen my daughter look at anyone like that before. I spent almost four years dreading that day. I knew that for Lorelai to marry you would be deleterious to Lorelai's career as well as to Rory's education. However, I cannot deny that you seem to have taken quite good care of my daughter and granddaughter, except for this most recent experience of course. I also understand that you are the reason that she is alive today- so, I offer you a truce. You have my tentative blessing to be with Lorelai in whatever capacity she wishes; but because you apparently drove her to this extreme case of melancholia in the first place, don't expect me to forgive you completely for quite some time." She held her hand out to him, expecting him to take it.

He wanted to scream at her. He wanted to walk away from that gesture of gratitude. How dare she act as if his and Lorelai's relationship rested upon the foundation of her approval? Who did she think she was? It wasn't her forgiveness he was seeking, it was Lorelai's! Nearly every instance of her cold judgment that had stressed his fiancées already taxed mind whipped like the winds of a hurricane through his mind's eye. He took a breath, prepared to blame her for all the hurt that she herself had caused Lorelai.

_Swallow your pride._

Luke closed his eyes slowly and swallowed, as if this act were a physical embodiment of actually swallowing his pride. After opening his eyes again, he took her hand and slowly shook it. "I understand, Emily. I don't think I can ever forgive myself for what I've done anyway."

* * *

The three people walking down the halls of the med/surge floor looked completely exhausted, as if they had just recently completed a marathon run. Luke was the first to enter Lorelai's room, still clutching the small stuffed monkey and bouquet of flowers. A fleeting moment of panic took a hold on his heart and mercilessly squeezed as he stared horrified at the empty expanse of flooring where Lorelai's bed used to be.

"The man that was here told me to tell ya that they took her back upstairs to a private room. Said it was room 305." Arthur said, standing up laboriously.

Luke visibly relaxed as he recalled the screaming match between Emily and the nurse at the desk. He ashamedly realized that Arthur had probably heard every word of that conversation.

"Hey, Arthur. I'm sorry. Rory and I were fine with…"

"S'alright. Don't give it another thought, boy. I already know. You go on up there and be with her. And good luck."

Arthur grasped Luke's hands with a strength that contradicted his age. "You too," Luke replied, "and thanks a lot."

As Luke, Emily, and Rory turned and headed for the elevators, Rory rose to walk on her toes so that she could reach Luke's ear.

"When you were changing clothes, I kind of warned him about what might happen when they get here," she whispered conspiratorially, a small smile spreading across her face.

He turned ever so slightly toward her and said softly out of the side of his mouth, "Did I ever mention that you're a genius?"

"No," she winked at him and replied in mock haughtiness, "but it has been mentioned once or twice by others."

Luke was unable to breathe easily until he crossed the threshold of Lorelai's private room. He finally breathed a sigh of relief as he laid his gifts carefully on her bedside table and arranged them. A snore from the opposite side of the room startled him, and he turned to see Richard Gilmore sleeping in a chair across from her bed.

"You had better make yourself scarce for a moment, Luke," Emily whispered so as not to wake her slumbering husband. "It would be best for everyone if Richard and I had this discussion elsewhere." She turned to Rory with a stern expression written across her features. "You had better keep in touch with me this time; you be sure to call me the moment anything changes. Call my cell phone though- I'll most likely try to find a place to stay nearby."

Rory nodded at her grandmother and motioned for Luke to follow her out of the room and down the hall. They waited until they saw the elevator doors close behind Emily and a groggy Richard before returning to the room and taking their posts at Lorelai's side.


	16. Supportation

Rory nervously glanced over at Luke, watching as he leaned back in his chair and stared morosely at the ceiling. Her eyes followed his arm down to where it connected with her mother's hand, drawing lazy circles into her palm. He had been particularly taciturn lately, hardly exchanging any words with Rory after the run-in with Emily. Their routine had been set without any conferring. Rory would get up to take a shower every morning in the bathroom attached to Lorelai's room. Luke would spend this time talking to Lorelai- using this private time to tell her how much he missed her and to reiterate how much he loved her. Sometimes, after Rory was finished, Luke would take his turn, but he was usually too distracted to worry about his personal grooming habits. Trays were then brought in for breakfast, and the two would then eat in silence, with the exception of her persuading him to eat more. Rory usually took the time between meals to read or make calls to Logan. After lunch, she would typically take a short walk around the park located across the street from the hospital to stretch her legs. After dinner, she would usually try to find something entertaining for the both of them to watch on TV.

It was at this time several days after the confrontation with Emily that she found herself reflecting on Luke's behavior. Perhaps it was because the stress of telling everyone about the situation was over, but he seemed to be in a worse state than he was when Lorelai was first brought to the hospital. Only the nurses entering the room to take Lorelai's vitals were enough to arouse Luke from his moody stupor. Another thing that Rory couldn't help but notice was that he always seemed to need to touch her mother in some form or another- whether it was his hand in hers, the constant brushing of his fingers against his hair, or like tonight's unconscious need to draw circles into her palm. She supposed it was lingering guilt for his role in this affair that caused him to hardly leave her side and to not finish his meals. He had hardly said anything in days, and they still had not discussed in private the incident in which she had called him her father. This last piece of information was what worried Rory the most.

"Luke?" she queried as she looked fearfully into his face, "Are you mad at me for some reason?"

Luke slowly tore his eyes from his fiancée's face to look fully into the girl's trepid eyed. "Huh?" he said foggily, "What do you mean? Of course I'm not mad at you. Why would I be mad at you?"

She looked bashfully down at her feet, toeing the edge of the bed in front of her with the edge of her shoes. "I don't know," she said quietly, "It's just that you haven't really said much since I…you know, called you…"

Luke shook his head vehemently with understanding. "Oh Rory, no," he replied. "It isn't that at all. It's just kind of all hitting me. She really is sick, your mom." He glanced down at her, his intense gaze veiling all the turbulence and fear that was hidden beneath. "Every day that she doesn't wake up is another day that I feel like I'm losing her."

"How can you say that?" she replied incredulously, "Can't you see that she is improving? I mean, look. She is even starting to get a little color back into her face and everything! It's going to be okay, Luke."

Indeed, there were a few splotches of color splashed upon her still deathly grey cheekbones. Still, it hadn't been what Luke was wishing for. He missed the badinage that they shared whenever she entered the diner. He ached for the coquetry that she always seemed to reserve for him. How could he be expected to turn on this stoic façade for all of these visitors when all he felt was the stony silence that emanated from her day after day? Still, despite his gloomy and silent mood, Stars Hollow's extreme support and love was not lost on him.

Each visitor from the town of Stars Hollow had felt the stormy atmosphere upon entering the room. The constant barrage of visitors took in the visage of Lorelai's ghostly form and Luke's gloomy expression and all decided to focus their attention on Rory due to their nervousness. While these seemingly endless and identical conversations exhausted Rory to no end, she was only too happy to help- as she felt she had no other contributions to alleviate Luke's mood. Andrew, Taylor, and Gypsy stopped by briefly, each darting their eyes uneasily between Lorelai and Luke, before setting their gifts down in front of Rory. Andrew had dropped off about ten books that Rory had been on the waiting list for- free of charge. Taylor and Gypsy both brought small bouquets of wildflowers, which Rory placed on her mother's bedside table. Kirk and Lulu also visited. Kirk was adamant about expressing his extreme apologies. Ever since Rory had gone off to college, he had seen it as his responsibility to keep Lorelai safe, and he had failed miserably in his mission. He left a humongous statue made of toothpicks, stating matter-of-factly that "Toothpick Kirk" would hopefully be there for her like he couldn't be now that he had a girlfriend. Pete felt that he wanted to be creative in his offering, so instead of sending a simple bouquet of flowers, he carved her a vase of sunflowers to place in her window. Even the town troubadour had stopped by for a little while to softly play soothing melodies, lulling both Luke and Rory to sleep.

It was a couple of days before Sookie managed to gather enough courage to visit. The sight of her best friend lying unrecognizable brought her to tears. Fortunately, Jackson was there to place his arms consolingly around his wife's shoulders. Michel, for once in his life, had nothing to say. Rory could have sworn that she saw him turn his head to sniffle softly in private. Lane and Zach had hitched a ride from Sookie and Jackson, and they stood quietly by Rory. They were soon joined by Patty, Babbette, and Morey- who had all brought enough food to feed a small army so that Luke and Rory didn't have to eat the meager meals being served at the hospital. As soon as everyone had left, Rory was again plunged into the deafening silence of the gloomy room.

Not all of the company was welcome, and it made for more than a few awkward moments. Richard and Emily, having found a hotel nearby, came frequently to watch their daughter's progress. Since Richard had not been involved in the capitulation between Emily and Luke, his cold and defiant mood made small talk all the more difficult. Rory and Emily were usually well practiced at this terse kind of conversation, but since no one had done anything but worry about Lorelai since their last visit, there was nothing to make small talk about. Still, Emily stuck faithfully to her agreement and tried to wage peace between her husband and Luke. While some small strides had been made in the way of polite and curt conversation, not much headway had actually been achieved. At one point, Emily had pulled Luke aside and assured him that Richard knew the truth, but it would take some time for him to push his pride aside and allow things to heal. He asserted that he understood all too well.

Luke brushed his fingers across the deep hollow of Lorelai's cheek, willing her to open her eyes. No, she wasn't anywhere near the Lorelai that he had known for over a decade, but at least she was improving. Perhaps it was his gloomy countenance that was keeping her away. Every day he fought with the fear that threatened to overtake him and turn him into a madman. He kept telling himself that it would be okay. She was getting better. She would wake up soon. Possibly it was his lack of ability to master that fear that kept her from waking up. He had promised himself that he would be strong for her, and he needed to do better.

"You're right, Rory," he said, his voice thick with emotion. "Everything is going to be all right."

* * *

Lorelai tried to fight the leaden heaviness in her eyelids. Instinct told her that she needed to see this. She had to find out where she was. The atmosphere felt unfamiliar and her body felt extremely weak and heavy. An overwhelming feeling of trepidation overcame her senses as she continued the struggle against her eyelids. Once she was able to laboriously open them, panic set in. She had no idea where she was. She slowly turned her head to the right, surprised at how alien it felt- as if her head didn't really belong to her. Moonbeams were shining through the curtains and onto the soft, luminous brown hair of her daughter. Rory was fast asleep, clutching her mother's hand and sitting in a chair with her head laying gently in the crook of her mother's arm. Lorelai's panic settled a fraction as she knew that wherever she was, she must be safe. Slowly, she rolled her head towards the left. No, was that Luke? He was nearly unrecognizable. His pale, thin face shone in the moonlight, accentuating the heavy dark shadows beneath his closed lids. He had his hand resting on her elbow, and she could see why he was probably afraid to hold her hand. Lorelai drew in a shaky breath as she noticed the needle taped to the back of her hand.

_What the hell is going on here? _she thought frantically. She gently pulled her elbow from Luke's grasp and, with great difficulty, managed to lift her hand to her face. A light gasp escaped her lips as she felt the tube sticking out from her nose. For a brief moment, she considered pulling the tube out, but what if this insignificant piece of plastic was the only thing tethering her to life? She still couldn't remember what had happened to land her in this predicament. She caught sight of her hand as it was lowered down to her bedside and felt her heart jump in her chest. Whose hand was that? Certainly not hers. As it rested on her cavernous ribcage, the memories of the last few weeks roared to the front of her mind. Insanity. Anguish. Macabre thoughts and feelings that she couldn't escape. Had it all really happened? Had she really pushed the boundaries of her need for sustenance until all that was left was her skeletal remains? How could she have done such a thing? She had Rory to think of. Throughout her entire life with Rory, she knew that she needed to be strong to give her daughter the best life possible. Why had that most basic instinct failed her in the most desperate of times? A deep self-loathing settled in her chest and began to torture her already fragile thoughts. All of these years playing Wonder Woman, and she loses it the first time a man doesn't want her? But oh, the pain of it, the rejection she had faced after that final confrontation. It had been unbearable- a brand new sensation, a higher level of suffering compared to her previous failures with men.

The conflict continued to rage inside her as she again looked over to Luke. The last thing that she remembered was his face. She had thought she was dying and all she could see was his face. Had he saved her? Had she mistaken an apparition for real life? Did this mean that he loved her after all? She had no answers to many of these questions, but of this she could be sure- Luke was her friend no matter what happened in their lives. Just because he had pulled her back from her dark prison and sat here with her now did not necessarily mean that he loved her like she wanted him to. All of these thoughts and questions overwhelmed her already unstable mind as she once again drifted off to sleep.


	17. Awakening

The morning started off the same as it had every day since they were moved into the small private room. Rory opened her eyes and groggily sat up, rubbing the sleep from her eyes and trying to readjust her spine after sleeping in such an odd position. Her grandmother had admonished her many times about sleeping in such a manner, but the nurses frowned upon her climbing into bed with her mother, and the reclining chairs just made her feel too far away. The room had changed completely since they first took up their occupation here. The colors were warm and welcoming, and the many filters and air fresheners hidden throughout the room all but eradicated the dense hospital smell that permeated the hallway. Besides the two most comfortable and most expensive reclining chairs Emily Gilmore could find (despite the fact that recliners were for fat, lazy men that laid around watching football and eating pork rinds all day), the room was covered with decorative touches and plush luxuries that wouldn't normally be found in a hospital room. Even though they had only been in this room a little over a week, Rory was able to place her bare feet onto the plush, deep burgundy rug that was laid beneath her chair. She stood slowly and shuffled to the window, spreading the golden, partially opened curtains farther apart to allow for more sunlight to enter the room. She then turned and opened the wardrobe that was sitting across from her mother's bed to look for something comfortable to wear for the day. After choosing a light sweater and jeans, she walked past Luke, letting her hand brush against his shoulder lightly before entering the bathroom. She had a feeling about the importance of what he did during this time of they day, and she didn't want him to miss it.

Luke stirred when he felt the young girl's hand brush against his shoulder and smiled to himself. It was amazing how Rory could understand what this time of day meant to him without having to communicate any words at all. He pushed the recliner into a sitting position and began to flex the aching arm that had been practically chained to Lorelai's side all night. As he stood, he tucked a stray curl of Lorelai's hair behind her ear and ran his fingers through the dark hair that was spread across the 1000 thread- count pillowcase. He leaned forward to her ear, allowing the small wisps of stray hair tickle his face.

"Good morning, Crazy Lady," he murmured lovingly. "You've been asleep for over a week now. I know you love to sleep in late, but this is starting to get ridiculous." He kissed her cheek before sitting back down and taking her hand. "It doesn't matter anymore," he said quietly, "how long you choose to sleep. I am going to be here no matter how long it takes. Do you hear me? I love you so much. I should never have taken you for granted like that. I learned to swallow my pride, Lorelai. If you would come back now, you would be able to see that. I was so afraid that April would like you better than me that I pushed you away, not really noticing how it was affecting you. I was so determined to be a good dad that I didn't really see that I wasn't being a good fiancé, a good future husband. There just aren't any words to describe how sorry I am. I want so much to show you how much I love you and want to be with you. Please wake up so I can show you, Lorelai." He laid his head down on the bed next to her body, carefully gripping her hand so he wouldn't disturb the IV on the back of her hand.

Lorelai's eyes fluttered open, squinting against the dappled sunlight that filled the room. Her eyes moved over Luke's head, watching him fight with the gushing emotion that threatened to overtake him. Slowly, she lifted her free hand towards his head and whispered hoarsely, "Oh Luke, I love you too."

He had heard her speak to him in his mind many times, so the words that fluttered into his brain so softly that they were like leaves brushing against the ground as the wind passes through them came as no surprise. While it was the susurrus that was considered to be imaginary, it was the touch that Luke could not ignore. As soon as Lorelai's frail hand landed on Luke's head, he recoiled so violently that he nearly fell out of his chair, his eyes wide with astonishment and alarm.

"Oh my- Lorelai?" he questioned in a terrified high-pitched voice. He seemed to be doubting that this actually was the woman that he had been waiting months to talk to.

"Hey there, stranger," she rasped as her wan face pulled up into a tight smile. Her eyes roamed the entire room in confusion, taking in the bright, warm colors mixed with the sterile, cold medical equipment. "Um, where exactly are we?"

He choked back his surprise and managed a strangled response, "You're at New Miliford Hospital. You might be able to tell that your parents have been here. You've been here a little longer than a week." He swallowed nervously before adding, "Is this really happening? Are you really awake?"

She smiled again as she answered, "Yeah, it's really happening." She cleared her throat, but as she continued, Luke could tell that her voice had grown weaker from the strain of speaking. "Where's Rory? And would you mind getting me a glass of water?"

"Don't worry," he replied quickly, "Rory's just in the shower." He hesitated a moment before continuing, "I should probably call someone before I give you anything."

She nodded slowly and closed her eyes for a moment as he reached over her to press the nurse call button. She drew in a deep breath, letting his scent wash over her. How much she had missed the smell of him! It wasn't a particular smell that could be duplicated, but it was powerful, comforting, and arousing all at the same time. She recalled the many nights that she had lain in bed with him, her nose nestled in that soft spot just below his ear, drinking in his fragrant essence.

Once Luke pressed the call button, he informed the secretary on the other end of the line that Lorelai had woken up. After sitting back down to look at Lorelai again, he felt the jolt of panic tighten his gut. Her eyes were closed again. After a brief moment of wondering whether the whole encounter had been created in his mind, he put his hand on her shoulder and gently shook her delicate frame. "Lorelai!" he cried. Relief flooded his features as she once again opened her eyes.

"Sorry," she smiled sheepishly, "I'm feeling a little sleepy again."

"How could you?" he replied incredulously. "You've been sleeping for over a week straight. As far as I'm concerned, you're never allowed to sleep again."

The sound of a door shutting quietly registered in Luke's mind before he heard Rory's exclamation of surprise.

"Mom?!" she called unbelievingly. "You're really awake? Are you okay?" As she reached the bed, she threw herself desperately against her mother, not noticing Lorelai's wince of pain as she brought her arms up to embrace her daughter.

Moments later, Dr. Zimmerman rushed in. "Good morning, Ms. Gilmore," he said before smiling, "I trust you slept well? If the family would please excuse us, she needs to be assessed before she loses consciousness again." He paused for a moment while checking Lorelai's pulse, noticing the look of alarm that spread across the faces of Luke and Rory. "Not to worry," he said soothingly, "it's quite normal for coma patients to drift in and out of consciousness for the first few days."

Luke couldn't help the pang of disappointment and fear that ran through him. We're going to have to go through all this again? Granted, he imagined that each foray into the realm of oblivion would be shorter and shorter, but he had rather hoped to hash out his hopes, fears, and questions with Lorelai now. Still, he remembered the promise he had given her only this morning- he would wait as long as it took.


	18. Convalescence

Much to his chagrin, Lorelai was already spent by the time he was permitted to return to her room. Filled with apprehension and longing, he held her hand as she once more drifted off. Despite himself, he was unable to keep the tears of frustration from welling up in his eyes. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see those same tears reflected in Rory's eyes.

"She'll be back soon," he promised.

"I know," she replied with a sniffle, "But I can't help but feel like we're losing her again. She was so close."

Luke sobered a moment and placed his hand over Rory's, looking straight into her eyes. "Hey," he said with a strength and assurance he didn't know he possessed, "Your mom's going to be all right. You know that. It's going to be hard on both of us for the next few days, but we have to be strong for her."

Rory sniffled again and pursed her lips in a vain effort to hold back the deluge that falling down her flushed cheeks. "I know, Luke. It's just so hard."

Luke let go of Lorelai's hand and stood to embrace the sobbing girl. "Shh," he murmured. "It's all going to be okay."

The next few days went by pretty similarly. Every few hours or so, Lorelai would wake for just a few fleeting minutes and once again drift off. They contacted Sookie, who updated the town on Lorelai's condition, and instructed the townsfolk to stay away from the hospital. Too many visitors at this point would be a strain on Lorelai's already taxed condition. Two visitors that came often, however, were Emily and Richard.

Much to Luke's surprise, Emily held her tongue while Lorelai was awake, only asking if there was anything more that she could do. Although Lorelai recognized the attempt, her mother's presence was still somewhat stressful, and she did her best to hide it in an effort to keep the peace. She was surprised to see her mother getting along so well with Luke that she didn't want anything to be spoiled on her account. Even Richard made his best attempt to get along with Luke for his daughter's sake- awkwardly stumbling through a few conversations about fishing and cooking.

Lorelai's waking also caused Luke and Rory's daily routine to change. Rory hardly left her mother's bedside, and seemed to grow more and more frustrated every time her mother slipped back into the unknown. Luke often saw an irritable edge to the girl and silently wondered what was going through her mind. She seemed cold and distant towards her mother, yet at the same time, genuinely concerned for her. This contradiction was the sort of thing about girls that he never understood. Whether she considered him a dad or not, this was too deep a situation for Luke to handle. In contrast, Luke seemed to be leaving Lorelai's bedside more often, but only to take a shower and keep himself looking healthier and well-maintained. Although there will still bags underneath his eyes from staying awake trying to catch a moment with a conscious Lorelai, the color seemed to be leaking back into his cheeks. Granted, he would have a few more gray hairs from this ordeal, but all in all, he figured he would be able to bounce back eventually.

Eventually, Lorelai's need to sleep grew more and more intermittent, but the three had not yet exchanged any serious conversation. In fact, when she was awake, Luke usually held her hand and watched the TV while Rory spent her time reading. They had come very close to discussing the situation twice- the first time after they were allowed back in the room after Lorelai finished her interview with Social Services. Luke should have been happy that he was finally absolved from the whole affair, but one look on Lorelai's face sent him rushing to her. Eyes bloodshot and her face tear streaked, she let him hold her trembling frame as he shushed her and rocked her gently back and forth. The second time was after her private meeting with the hospital psychiatrist. The meeting couldn't have gone too badly, because she had been allowed to leave the hospital once she had recovered and was not required to have any follow-up visits with the psychiatrist again. Still, she looked so small and frail in that bed after the doctor had left her room. Again he held her in an effort to save her from her pain, but in the back of his mind he couldn't help but worry about the lack of communication between the three of them- particularly the chilly disposition that had been emanating from Rory for the past couple of days. Throughout both of these ordeals, Rory had been uncharacteristically distant, and Luke still had no idea how to even approach the situation.

Lorelai's road to recovery had started as well. Slowly, she began to eat solid and healthy foods. Luke was surprised to see that she didn't even make a face every time they set the fortified oatmeal in front of her. Eventually, she was allowed to take the feeding tube out, but she was required to leave the IV in as well as take a myriad of vitamin supplements. Physical Therapy, though grueling and wearisome, proved to be a source of quiet, determined focus for Lorelai. Eager to regain her independence, she threw herself at the challenges the therapist put in front of her with all of her strength. She usually returned to her bed and went straight to sleep, but the feeling of accomplishment still lingered in her heart. Although she was sill unable to walk, she was now capable of holding up her own head and holding small objects in her hand.

After a few more days, Dr. Zimmerman finally felt confident enough to allow Lorelai to return home. She would have to come back for regular checkups and physical therapy sessions, and she was to adhere to a very strict diet in the meantime, but he was confident that she would make a full recovery.

"Try not to push yourself too hard," he said gently. "Remember, you've lost quite a bit of muscle mass. Your eating habits are going to be off kilter for quite some time. I expect is should be several months at least- if not, years- before you feel like yourself again. It's just very important that you don't push yourself into normalcy. If it doesn't feel comfortable, you probably aren't ready for it yet, okay?" He smiled gently as he looked at Luke and Rory standing beside her. "You have quite a support system here, and you're going to need them in these days to come. You're still far from healed, and you're going to need help doing even basic things. Just try to be careful for me, okay?"

Luke looked down to see Lorelai looking back up at him. Her eyes were wide and watery- almost mournful in a way. The glance unsettled him, but he told himself that she was just anxious about going home.

"Okay," she said, looking back towards Dr. Zimmerman.


	19. Homecoming

**A/N: Okay guys, I know you aren't going to like this chapter, but I really thought it was necessary for them to be apart for a little while. Luke has already had plenty of time to figure out what he's done wrong; and I believe that Lorelai needs that same time. I won't last long, I promise, so please stay patient with me!**

* * *

They pulled into the driveway very carefully, as it seemed as if every bump and vibration nearly ratted Lorelai off of the seat. To Luke's surprise and annoyance, Rory bounded out of the truck as soon as it had stopped and ran up the front steps to unlock the door, apparently not wanting to deal with Lorelai's reintegration into the house. He sighed and looked over at Lorelai. Although her face was masked in an attempt to hide her true feelings, he could see the fear and sadness in her eyes.

"It's okay, Lorelai," he said quietly to her, "We're going to get through this together."

"No, we're not, Luke," she replied hoarsely. "After you bring me in there, I want you to stay away for a while."

His eyes widened. Surely she did not just say what he imagined she had just said.

"Listen Luke, I love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life, except Rory, of course. But even then I think I might love you just as much as I love Rory, and that isn't a good thing."

"Lorelai," he choked, "What are you talking about?"

Tears began to fill her eyes as she replied, "When I thought you didn't want to marry me, it was all I could think about. Here it was- the one man I could finally spend the rest of my life with…the one man that I loved above all others. Then you did **that **Luke. You took it away from me. I don't think I could ever live through something like that again. And do you know what isn't good about that? I was so wrapped up in the loss of you that I forgot Rory. I forgot about the one thing that I have been living for since I was sixteen years old. And don't read too much into that Luke, it isn't like I would have committed suicide without Rory. I didn't even mean to try to kill myself this time around. Believe it if you want to or not, but there it is." She turned her face to the house where Rory had so recently disappeared, allowing a shudder to wrack her body. "It was just that you were all I could think about. I didn't think about the town, Rory, my parents, even food. I just forgot to eat. I know that sounds silly, but that's how upset I was, Luke. I felt smothered, trapped by feelings I couldn't escape. I was angry at myself for losing you. I was angry at you for not fighting for me. I just kept sinking, Luke. I was so miserable that towards the end I really thought that if I couldn't have you, nothing really mattered. I changed, Luke. I wanted to badly to be connected to you in some way, that it didn't matter to me if I died as long as I was still your fiancée. And here's the thing: I don't know what I think about being with someone that can do that to me. I mean it- I really don't believe I can live through another incident like that." She took a deep breath, gathering her strength for this final blow to the man sitting stunned before her. "So we need to take some time, I think. I need to think about what's going on with me and you. I need to get my priorities back in line. I need to recover from this, and I can't do it with you being around to distract me."

Luke sat there, completely stunned. He opened his mouth the form words, but he found that he was unable to say anything. So this is why she had been so quiet at the hospital. This is why she seemed to keep putting off this conversation. He shut his mouth and simply nodded, not trusting himself with any other sort of communication. He got out and walked around the truck, opened her door, and lifted Lorelai effortlessly into his arms to carry her to the house. They both avoided saying anything to one another- not trusting themselves to not hurl hurtful words at one another. How light and fragile she was, lying there in his arms. It took no effort whatsoever to carry her into the house and up the stairs to her room. As he turned into the hallway leading to what would have been their bedroom, he couldn't help but allow his mind drift back to the many times that he had done this- only she was heavier then and usually giggling liberally into his ear.

"Stop that," he would growl, "You're going to make me drop you."

"Oh but Luke," she would say in an affected southern belle accent, "My knight in shining armor would never do that!"

Then he would dip his knees, making her screech with terror and then giggle again, and he would bury his nose in her neck and inhale that sweet smell of Lorelai of her before tossing her on the bed and taking her for his own.

He leaned over her and laid her on the bed gently, his face near her chest. He couldn't help himself- he took a deep breath, letting nirvana wash over him again- but some voice in the back of his mind reminded him that this was the last time he was going to be allowed to do that. He pulled back to find Lorelai sobbing freely, pulling the pillow next to her against her face. His heart went out to her, he wanted so much to take her in his arms and kiss all of her worries away. Instead, he simply whispered, "Goodbye, Lorelai."

Once she heard the door shut, she let herself go. It had been hard enough letting him carry her into the house in his strong embrace after she had done such a horrible thing to him, but when he leaned over her like that it had been too much to take. She let the sobs wrack her wasted and unfamiliar body yet again, allowing the enormity of the seemingly impossible task to wash over her. There it was- the decision looming before her- should she stay with Luke? And if she could, how was she going to cope with it if he were to leave her again?

Luke ran into Rory on his way to the front door. She looked up at his pinched, pale face as her eyes looked up questioningly at him.

"Your mom doesn't want me to stay," he managed.

Rory lowered to her eyes to the floor. "Yeah, I figured."

"Hey. Are you going to be okay taking care of her? I know you and your mom are kind of going through a thing."

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I mean, she's still my mom, right?

"Right. She is still your mother."

The two shuffled back and forth uncomfortably for a moment before Rory replied, "Hey Da- um Luke? Thanks for being so understanding about this whole situation."

Luke understood that the deviation from the use of the term of endearment meant nothing about a change in their relationship, just that it was slightly inappropriate now that he and Lorelai weren't technically together.

"Hey, no problem. You just call if you need anything at all. I'll always be here for the both of you." He pulled her into a hug and released her. "And I'll probably be sending Sookie and Babbette over to spy on her for me, if you don't mind."

Rory sniffled a little and tried to keep her voice steady as she replied, "Yeah, that's fine Luke." She hesitated a moment longer before calling to his retreating back, "Don't worry, Luke. Everything is going to turn out fine."

He paused a moment to take a breath, clenching his fists at his side. Without turning around to acknowledge her remark, he once again started for the door.

"I'm not going to let her mess this up again," Rory whispered to herself before heading to her room.


	20. Occupation

Rory spent the next week caring for her mother. Against her better judgment, she had allowed Lorelai to keep a bell in her room to summon her whenever she was needed. To Rory's surprise and disappointment, Lorelai did not take to the bell with the childish wonder that had so often gripped her when it came to new objects that made noise. Instead, a dark cloud hovered over the house, letting its misty gloom spread misery into every corner. Lorelai had sensed the chill radiating from her daughter, and though she did not know the cause, she felt it best to ignore the situation, as things with Rory usually came to a head on their own. Besides, there were much bigger decisions looming over her future. She was content to let Rory stew in her own bedroom as she lay ensconced in her desolate tower of dark dreams and exhausted emotions.

Although Sookie and Babbette visited frequently, it was astonishingly Morey who had lent his services the most in the past week. Rory could take care of most of the chores necessary to care for her mother, but picking her up to transport her was just something her delicate frame was not capable of. He even had extended his neighborly courtesies to include driving the both of them to Lorelai's physical therapy. Each time he picked her up, Lorelai's heart lurched at the feeling of awkwardness and unfamiliarity of it. It just wasn't right. Her heart didn't flutter like it did when Luke had held her in his secure and loving arms. She didn't suddenly feel all of the weight being lifted from her spirit. She didn't feel the soaring freedom that instinct told her was love take over entire being. Despite Morey's good intentions, his hold on her made her feel insecure, unstable, empty, and cold.

At the physical therapist's office, she continued to improve drastically with each visit, but had yet to be able to stand. Just yesterday, she had amazed her therapist by pulling her upper body into a sitting position. Although everyone that had been watching gave her a thunderous applause, she couldn't help but feel the bitter, frigid disappointment freeze her heart. All of this exhausting work, and she still had not regained her independence. Was this some sort of punishment for the mistakes she had made with her life? Some cosmic joke had been played upon her- Lorelai Gilmore had spent her entire life with pride in her independence and self-reliance; and now she could barely sit up on her own. Rory had always been able to rely on the fact that her mother would always be there for her, a shelter and a rock during the many trials of becoming an adult; and now she was stuck in her childhood home taking care of her shipwreck of a mother.

Was this what had been bothering Rory? With all of Lorelai's experience with her now grown-up daughter, she doubted it was bitterness about having to take care of an invalid. But they had seemed to be on good terms when she first woke up, so why during the intervening days between her waking and going home did she seem to grow so cold and distant? And more importantly, when were they going to talk about it?

True to his word and character, Luke had stayed away from Lorelai, allowing her the space she needed to figure things out on her own. He finally went back to work at the diner, but his mind was so taken captive by his numerous predicaments that he often found himself burning things or cooking the wrong orders. Caesar and Lane, accustomed to running the diner on their own now, tried to keep Luke away from the kitchen appliances and the customers as much as possible, but didn't dare to order him out of his own business completely. The entire town was, of course, aware of the situation- as Luke had one of the gossip queens of Stars Hollow spying on Lorelai for him. They regarded his tumultuous outbursts with a wary eye and kept their distance, but their hearts went out to him. It seemed as though the only time he allowed the shadow of his former self to crawl to the forefront was when he was speaking to his daughter. Though the emotional strain was heavy and difficult, he had so far managed to keep his promise to Anna by keeping in contact with April by phone at least once a week. He had even had her over a few days ago for a visit, and although he had been polite and cheerful, it had been obvious that he was distracted. Pouring coffee into her orange juice that morning had most definitely led her to that conclusion.

He had wanted desperately to go and see her every day since he had dropped her off from the hospital; and the desire to do so was consuming him. It didn't feel right to leave her alone in that house with Rory. Although he knew that Rory would care for her to the best of her abilities, he couldn't help but feel the sting of worry- sharp and painful in his gut. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to leave the two of them alone while Rory was treating her mother so coldly- and he still couldn't understand how or when the behavior had started. He also couldn't understand Lorelai's explanation for the condition in which he had found her on the floor that day. She hadn't meant to commit suicide, but she had said that it wouldn't have mattered if she had died as long as she was connected to him? It was a possibility that he had missed something in her explanation, but those two statements together had not made sense to him. What bothered him most was that history seemed to be repeating itself. Here he was, unable to go to her house; and there she was, pushing him away again. What if Rory didn't watch her well enough? What if she wasn't eating again? What if she was so distraught from pushing him away that she tried to starve herself again? Only Sookie's and Babbette's frequent reports kept him from running over there and breaking the door down. If circumstances continued to improve with Lorelai, then perhaps she really was using this time to assess her life and choices- and he knew he had to give her that. He himself had needed time to process and understand after finding Lorelai on the floor that dreadful day, it made sense to him to give her that same opportunity. But he wouldn't wait forever- if any reports came back negative, or if he started to feel that too much time was beginning to pass, he would finally give in to his barbaric urges and break her door down. He wouldn't hesitate to fight for her again- but for now, he felt that she needed the space, despite how much it was killing him to give it to her.

Poor Sookie was completely swamped with work. The inn had been running fairly smoothly, but Lorelai's suave business manner and attention to detail was something that Sookie had never been able to understand or mimic. Ever the source of great contradiction, Michel was both a hindrance and a help to the process of running the inn without Lorelai. He constantly whined and complained about having to handle two jobs without having a raise, but was the picture perfect representation of a high class French concierge towards the customers. He would often be able to settle disputes and minor issues without seeking Sookie's help, which was a blessing, considering that Sookie often had no idea how to handle such situations and had to guiltily resort to calling a weak and distracted Lorelai to find a solution.

She was also cooking for three households, not including the inn of course. Luke had been too unfocused to cook anything edible lately, and Rory and Lorelai were naturally helpless when it came to providing food for themselves. Lorelai's strict diet made matters even more difficult: no refined sugars, no red meat, very little white meat, nothing greasy, and everything had to meet a specific nutrition requirement. When this stress was added to the pressures of feeding her own family, she found it too much to handle. Eventually, Patty, Babbette, Al, Pete, and other neighbors heard about her predicament and began to chip in.

Rory was entirely grateful for the assistance that they received from the town. Even in a small city like Woodbury, the neighborly love and support was something that just couldn't be found. Still, despite the town's overwhelming support, she hadn't failed to notice that Lorelai had hardly been taking in any visitors. Every meal was a taciturn event, with Lorelai meekly consuming every nutritious repast placed before her without so much as a whimper for a cheeseburger. Every moment between tending to her mother's needs was heavy with silence and fraught with despair. She had grown tired of this weary routine. They had barely spoken to one another since she had come home. It felt like their connection had been severed as soon as she had woken up at the hospital, and she needed to find a way to repair it. Her mother had continued to push away the people that loved her the most- namely Luke, and she had a plan set to fix it, she just needed to set the plan in motion. Rory had decided- it was finally time to talk.


	21. Friction

Rory cautiously padded upstairs to her mother's bedroom. It was much darker up here than it was downstairs. Lorelai had kept the shades drawn for the past week, ensuring that the room was constantly cast in a gloomy pall. Rory could only imagine how the ambiance could help her mother's already forlorn personality. She crossed the room and lifted the straw colored blinds, allowing the sunlight to shine stubbornly through the gauzy white curtains and onto an obstinate Lorelai.

"Rory," she groaned, "Come on, pull the shades back down."

"I don't think so, Mom," she called cheerily, "You've been in the dark long enough. It's time you saw the sun."

"No," she retorted petulantly as she shoved her head under the covers.

"Anyway," she said in a business-like town as she arranged the sunflowers next to her mother's bed, "I have some messages for you, so I thought you'd like to hear them."

"You thought wrong," she groaned again.

"Grandma called," she paused for a moment to allow for yet another groan to escape from beneath the pillow situated on top of Lorelai's head, "She wanted to give you another chance to take her up on her offer to hire a home-care nurse to come and help us out here."

"Next!" she called from underneath the pillows. She had been rejecting that request since the very moment it was announced that she could go home.

"Grandpa called as well." She noticed that Lorelai had begun to poke her head out from underneath the pillow in curiosity. "It turns out that Grandma was just recently arrested for Driving While Intoxicated, and while she most certainly was not intoxicated, he imagined that the thought would make you laugh."

Rory was relieved to see a slight smile lift her mother's face for the first time in months. "Yeah," she said amusedly, "Now that is funny."

"Sookie called. Remember the Haddelstats? They stayed at our house when the Independence Inn caught fire, remember? Well, they are staying at the Dragonfly and wanted to say hi, so 'hi'. And Luke called…" She instantly noticed her mother's bright face cloud over and darken. "He just wanted to check on you. I think he's feeling a little lonely. April is staying with a friend while Anna is out in New Mexico taking care of her mom."

She had said too much, and she knew it. She had thought it would be a good idea for Luke to call every now and then, so it didn't seem as if he were getting his information elsewhere. Perhaps it had been her mention of April and Anna that had sent Lorelai over the edge. Rory noticed the stubborn set of her jaw and how her eyes clouded over with melancholy obscurity. There was also a trace of- was that fear? Why?

"Mom," she said softly, "I really think it's time you stop shutting yourself up like this. You need to see other people."

"I'm sorry, are we breaking up?" Lorelai asked.

The hint of humor in her mother's voice lifted Rory's spirits. "Ha ha," she replied. "Listen, I know you don't feel like it, but I don't think it's good for you push away the people you love. The town loves you so much, Mom, and they want to see you and support you in this. And don't forget Luke- it's killing him to stay away from you like this. He's not doing so well, Mom. Lane says…"

Lorelai interrupted, "Rory, stop."

But Rory had already gathered up momentum. The emotions that had been building and festering had now been loosed upon her mother like a dam that had broken. The torrent of frustration, anger, and feeling of abandonment that had spent weeks welling up within her had finally broken through the walls and were now washing away every distraction in her path. "No!" she cried. "I'm not going to stop! Why are you doing this to him? Why are you pushing him away? Why won't you talk to me? We used to be so close, Mom, what happened? Why did you do this to yourself?"

"I told you, there was a pair of skinny jeans on sale at the mall. They were just so cute and I though Mary Kate's method was the fastest way to get them," she replied hysterically.

Lorelai's meager attempt at diffusing the situation with humor was no match for Rory's cataclysmic outburst. "Come on, Mom! I'm not four anymore! I know that skinny jeans is not the answer."

"Well, it's the only answer you're going to get," she retorted, this time with more venom in her voice. "I don't want to talk about this, Rory. And shouldn't you be starting school soon? Why aren't you starting to move your stuff back into Logan's apartment?"

"Come on, Mom. You know I can't go back to school with you like this."

Lorelai cut her off before she could say any more, "I'll be fine, Rory. You go back to school. You're already behind from the semester you took off last year."

"You know I can't leave you like this. You can barely even sit up on your own, let alone get out of bed. You refuse to see hardly anyone, and even when you do, your sullen attitude scares everyone away."

Lorelai gripped the sheets in frustration. "I'm the mom! I make the rules! When I tell you to do something, you should do it. Why can't I be left alone? I don't need to be babysat like I'm a toddler!"

"That may have been true before you decided to kill yourself when you broke up with your boyfriend. It's obvious that we have to watch your every move since it's apparent that you have nothing else to live for!"

"How can you say that? Of course I have other things to live for! I still have Luke as a friend. I have you and Paul Anka!" she cried as she patted the dog lying next to her.

"Well, none of that seemed to make a difference the first time around, and you're starting to do it again. You know, you keep forgetting your part in the whole ultimatum confrontation. You were getting close to him, you wanted to marry him, and when things started going wrong, you didn't say a word! You waited until the very last second and expected him to run off with you that very second or you were going to leave him. We all know it wasn't just about you getting hurt, it was your own way of bolting without making it look like you were running away from him. If you had really wanted the situation resolved, you would have told him how you felt, you would have warned him that he was in danger of losing you and at least given him a couple of days to figure out how to handle it."

Rory had been pacing throughout this speech, gesticulating wildly. Paul Anka had watched her walk back and forth, moving his head in time with her pacing. He had just begun to feel a little queasy when she had stopped. Turning her heated gaze toward Lorelai, Rory pointed an accusatory finger in her mother's direction and continued.

"And now you're doing the same thing to him again. You're getting too close to him. You love him too much. So what do you do? Instead of marrying him like any normal person in the world, you decide to break up with him. And I'm not enough for you to live for, Mom. I wasn't enough the first time around. You just decided that you'd leave, and never mind how your daughter felt."

Lorelai inhaled sharply. So this was the explanation for Rory's behavior these past two weeks. Her frozen heart melted at the sight of her beloved daughter in tears before her. She held out her arms and allowed Rory to climb into them like she did when she was still small and living in the potting shed at the Independence Inn.

"Rory, honey, I didn't know that was how you felt. You know that you're more than enough of a reason for me to stick around, don't you? I was just wallowing, you know how it is, and I took it a little too far. I didn't mean for it to get this bad." Lorelai felt that omitting the details that she had given Luke would be best. Despite what her daughter said, she was still young, and didn't need to know the gory details of her mother's failures. "And then I sort of lost my mind- I drove myself insane. I wasn't myself." She let a shudder run through her as the memory of her cutting up Luke's to-go cups flashed across her mind. "I love you so much, Sweets, and I'm not going anywhere. That reigning Lorelai cape and crown is still mine for the time being. Don't worry about me, and go to school."

Rory sniffled and looked innocently up into her mother's still sallow face. This was the moment. Either she conceded now by making her terms known or she would never have this chance again. She pulled herself off the bed and stood beside it, taking in a deep breath for reassurance.

"All right, you win. I'll go back to school. On one condition: Luke has to come over and take care of you in my place."

She quickly turned and exited the room before her mother could get in another word.


	22. Apprehension

Lorelai lay in bed, staring blankly at the rough texture of the ceiling. She had been played. She knew she had been played, by her own daughter on top of it. This was the sort of behavior that Lorelai would expect from her mother; perhaps Rory had been spending too much time with her. Taking a deep breath, she brushed aside the feeling of manipulation and surprise. She allowed herself to take a step back and analyze the situation from a detached angle. What she wanted most in the world was her daughter to go back to school. If the only way she could get Rory to return to Yale was to allow Luke to take care of her, then she supposed that was the way it had to be. If she was to be honest with herself, she had missed him. She hadn't come very far in trying to figure out what had happened and what to do about it- although mostly she had decided to put the dark situation of her almost-suicide behind her. Perhaps she and Luke would be able to come up with a solution together, but that fear of being shut out again was strong- burrowing at her chest like a ferocious rabid creature every time she thought of it.

Rory had to admit, she had felt guilty manipulating her mother like she had. It was a move reminiscent of Emily Gilmore herself. Using tears, guilt, and raw emotion to get her own way was not something that Rory was used to, but she had to marvel at its effectiveness. She was able to overlook her feelings of shame by telling herself that the feelings had been real. She had needed that reassurance that she was still the center of her mother's life. With or without the coercion, that conversation had needed to take place. Rory had spent too many years watching from the sidelines- watching her mother sabotage every chance for happiness when she felt she was getting too close. This was Luke, he was different from all of her mother's previous suitors. She had to step in and make sure this match worked out, for both their sakes. It was apparent to everyone but themselves- they needed each other.

Rory spent her final week at home packing and moving her things to Logan's apartment in shifts. Morey continued to help take Lorelai to the physical therapist's office three times a week, and Babbette often stopped by to stay at the house while Rory was gone, should Lorelai require assistance with anything. Rory began to notice that Lorelai had begun to take in more visitors- though whether it was because she was truly feeling up to it or because she wanted to put on a good show for her daughter, Rory was uncertain.

Rory had also notified Luke of his impending responsibilities. She neglected to mention that the arrangement had been forced out of her mother, but Luke had a feeling that that was the case, nevertheless. Although he readily agreed to having another chance to show Lorelai how he could be there for her, his heart was filled with apprehension. Sure, being in Lorelai's vicinity could only help her realize how much she needed him there, but what if something went wrong? What if he failed in his attempt to help her heal? What if he ended up proving to both her and himself that he wasn't good enough to take care of anyone? No, he wasn't the same man he was a year ago. He had a responsibility to several people now, who loved him and looked up to him. He wouldn't let himself fail her again.

The day of Rory's return to Yale had finally arrived, and Lorelai was distraught, nervous, and frightened all at once.

"I can't do this," she said shakily to Rory that afternoon. "I can't see him. It's too soon." The fear of rejection and desertion had gripped her heart yet again, and she felt the restricting tightness close around her chest, making it difficult for her to breathe.

"Mom," Rory cajoled, "of course you can do this. He loves you so much."

"But how do you know?" she questioned. She placed a hand over her chest and took a deep breath in an attempt to break through the bounds that were holding her lungs back from doing their job.

"Mom," Rory repeated, "do you have any idea what he has been through these past few months?"

"Yeah, I know," she replied. "He's been great, but…"

"Great? You have no idea how great he's been." She sat down on the bed next to her mother and looked deep into her eyes, trying to brush past the fear and find the logical part of her mother's mind.

"The day after you left him, the day after the argument, he called and visited practically everyone in town looking for you. He called me in London even. I was still so mad at him for treating you the way he had, and I'll have to admit, I was a little upset with you for not giving him a chance and running away like that. We all thought you had gone somewhere else. He told me later that he had looked everywhere for you: Yale, Harvard, Grandma and Grandpa's…even Dad's place. I think he wanted me to know he really tried his best to find you. Then he spent every day, all those weeks, sitting out in your front lawn, waiting for you to come home. I don't think he even saw April during those weeks. Lane told me about it- he looked so lost without you, Mom. And then after he found you- well you know the rest of the story. He didn't leave your side. He hardly spoke to anyone. Even now that you're back- Lane said that he hasn't been useful in the diner at all."

Lorelai's eyes were wide and bright with unshed tears. Her voice was filled with awe and wonder as she whispered, "Everyday, he sat out in the front yard, he was with me the whole time?"

"He didn't know it, but yes. He was with you the whole time." She paused for a moment before continuing, "Come on, Mom. No other man in your entire life has ever been that devoted to you. He needs you; you need him. Yeah, he might have screwed up here, but you have to give him another chance."

Seeing that her mother needed some time alone to think, she kissed her on the forehead and started out of the room. Once she reached the door, she turned around, watching the unfamiliar emaciated body lost in thought in the large bed.

_Hopefully, things will have improved by the time I come back, _she thought to herself.

"Okay, Mom, Luke's going to be here any minute. I'm going to head downstairs. Once he gets here, I'm going to take off."

Lorelai looked up, her empyreal eyes pooled with fear of the unknown looming before her. She bit her lip in her effort to hold back her tears. "Okay, honey. You be safe."

Rory ran back to her mother's side, leaping into the bed and holding her mother tightly. She tried to pour every emotion she was feeling into that sweet, frantic embrace. Finding her effort lacking, she added these unnecessary, but nevertheless welcomed words, "I love you so much, Mom."

Lorelai pushed her daughter back to gaze into her face. "You know I love you, Sweets- more than anything in the whole world. You be sure to come home when you can."

"Of course I will. You know I will," she replied.


	23. Patience

Rory was down the stairs just in time to hear the doorbell ring. She briskly walked across the foyer to admit a thoroughly nervous Luke.

"How is she?" he queried, twisting the ends of his shirt in his hands.

Rory sighed. "Well, we just had a rather serious discussion upstairs a moment ago, so I'd give her an hour or two before going up there- unless she rings for you, of course."

Luke's eyes went wide as he stared at the girl before her. "Rings for me? Am I to understand that you got her a bell?"

"Um…yeah, but she really isn't up to using it like you think she would yet."

"Jeez, she's still not feeling well, huh?"

"I think she's been feeling a little lost without you," Rory replied. "I think this time is going to be really beneficial to the both of you." She straightened before clearing her throat. "Okay, here is the list of emergency contact phone numbers: Dr. Zimmerman, the physical therapist's office, the number to her nutritionist, all of my phone numbers, and the numbers for Grandma and Grandpa. She goes to the physical therapist every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday at two o' clock. There is a list on the refrigerator of the foods she is allowed to have. Sookie has been making most of our meals lately, but if you want to take over, I'm sure she could use the break, poor thing."

Luke's eyes glazed over with guilt. He hadn't really put it together that Sookie had been holding up the business and cooking at the inn as well as taking care of him, Lorelai, and her own family. Perhaps he could let her and her family eat for free at the diner for a little while as a way to repay her.

Rory continued, "She has pretty much been spending all of her time in the bedroom since she got home; but if you could persuade her to move around the house, I think that actually might be good for her. Oh yes, and my bed has clean sheets on it, so you're welcome to sleep in there."

Luke was about to open his mouth in protest, but Rory cut him off, "Really, it's not weird for me at all. We don't have a new couch yet, so there's really no place comfortable for you to sleep. Really, Luke, I insist."

Luke shrugged his shoulders, defeated. "All right," he said, "if you insist."

"I do," Rory nodded. "Now, on a more personal note, I want to tell you that I arranged this whole situation so that you two can work things out. I don't want to be disappointed in you, Luke. Don't let her push you away, fight for her if you have to. She loves you so much, I can see it. And I really do want to see you two together."

Luke's eyes widened as he stared at the little mastermind standing before him. "Wait, but your mom's okay with this, right? You didn't force her into anything she wasn't ready for, did you?"

"Luke," she replied, "you know just as well as I do that the longer you give my mother, the more time she will have to talk herself out of things. I know her the best, and I know that she is ready for this."

Rory leaned over to capture Luke in a crushing hug. She kissed him chastely on the cheek as she said, "Good luck, Luke. I hope I'll be able to call you 'Dad' the next time I see you."

They pulled away as Luke replied, "Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it?"

Rory grabbed the last bag sitting on the floor behind her and walked past him out the door. Luke turned and gave her a final wave through the doorway, watching her load the car and drive off.

* * *

He couldn't take it anymore. Luke had waited nearly two hours to go upstairs. He had paced the living room what had seemed like several hundred times, stealing a glance at the unvarnished spot on to floor with each pass. He had then gotten materials out of his truck, and sat down to sand, re-stain, and re-varnish one of the last pieces of evidence of Lorelai's time in solitude. Just as he had finished the floor, he had heard a commotion on the front porch. Opening the door a crack to investigate, he found Morey, Jackson, Zach, and Kirk pushing a brand-new couch up the front steps.

"What are you doing?!" Luke whispered. "I don't know if Lorelai is sleeping or not, you have to be quieter than this!"

"It's Kirk," Jackson whispered. "There was a bug that kept flying in his face and he kept dropping the couch!"

Luke shooed a reluctant Kirk out of the way to take up his corner of the couch. Together, the four men struggled to put the couch in the living room, followed by a pouting Kirk.

"What's this all about, Jackson?" Luke asked.

"The town's been holding meetings and fundraisers to get this couch for Lorelai. We all figured that she wouldn't be up to getting a new one any time soon, and when she did, it might bring all those horrible memories back."

Luke noticed with amusement that only Jackson could make the ends of his sentences get louder while whispering. "How did you guys know about the couch?" he replied.

"You mentioned something about it to Babbette when Lorelai was still in the hospital. We took the couch out the next day, but it wasn't until a couple of days ago that we raised enough money to buy a new one."

Luke had thanked them profusely and offered them something to drink, but they all declined and left- leaving Luke to once again resume his nerve-wracking wait. Once the two hour mark had been reached, he had also reached his breaking point. Taking the stairs two at a time, he reached the door to her bedroom and softly knocked.

Lorelai knew that Rory must have already left. It was hard to tell how much time had passed since she was last in the room, but Rory had never knocked on her door in their entire lives together.

"Come in," she said meekly.

Luke opened the door slowly and looked upon the visage of his fiancée for the first time in nearly two weeks. Her face was pale and tight, with puffy blue rings encircling tired, dead eyes. The skin was stretched rigidly over her pronounced cheekbones, making her hollow cheeks stand out all the more. Her hands were tightly fisted in her down comforter so that her bony knuckles turned even paler than her already white hands. Her arms were still too thin to look natural, even though Luke could tell that they had filled out some.

"Hi," he said, his piercing blue gaze locked intently on her face.

"Um, hi," she replied. She looked down to her hands, still twisting the undeserving bedclothes beneath them. She knew that he was observing her for any changes that had occurred in the past weeks, but she found herself unable to hold up to his intense scrutiny.

"So," he replied, "how are things?" The awkwardness in the room was nearly thick enough to touch, and Luke was beginning to feel faint from his difficulty breathing.

"Things are good," she replied quietly, still not looking at him. "And how are things at the diner?"

Why wouldn't she look at him? His nerves took control of his body, and he began to rock back and forth on his feet. "Uh, good. Things are good there, too."

Another moment of awkward silence passed between them. Luke was so uncomfortable by this point that he could feel the very core of his soul screaming at the top of his lungs to say _something_. "Say it!" it cried fervently. "Say something! Say something! Damnit, say some-"

"Lorelai," was all that Luke could muster.

She looked up at him. To his surprise, there were tears shining brightly in her eyes. "Lorelai," he said gently. "Lorelai, what's wrong?"

The tempest broke, and his beautiful angel began to cry freely in front of him. He was too shocked to move. Had he done something wrong? He couldn't go to her for fear of her rejecting his plea to comfort her.

"I just miss you so much!" she sobbed.

He took a step forward, but she held her hand up. "No, Luke. Not yet."

"Lorelai," he said warningly, "you can't expect me to stand here with you falling apart like this."

"I couldn't take it if you shut me out again, Luke. I love you too much."

He took another step forward, this time holding out his hand to grasp hers. To his immense relief, she allowed him to take it. He stepped forward again to sit on the edge of the bed and envelop her in his loving embrace, still holding her hand tightly. "That will never happen again, Lorelai. I regret every day that I live that I did it the first time, I'd just as soon tear my heart out as to do it again."

She looked up at him in amazement. "Since when did you get so poetic?"

He smiled back down at her and replied, "Hey, that is all God-given talent."

She finally let go of him, wiping the tears from her eyes and shaking her head slowly. "I'm not ready yet, Luke. I need more time to think. I can't jump again unless I have proof that you'll be jumping there beside me."

Luke's mournful eyes silently beseeched her to let go. "The only thing I can do is be here for you, Lorelai- and I will, whether you want me to be or not."

"Just give me a little more time," she repeated.

"Okay," he said reluctantly as he stood and backed away from her, "a little more time."


	24. Phantoms

This was an incredible feeling. Lorelai had always had an overwhelmingly fanciful imagination, but this realism of her life told through nighttime fantasy was something of which she could never envisage.

Looking back on it now, she supposed this had been the first time she had ever truly allowed herself to feel attracted to him. For so many years, she had seen the same hairy, gruff, slightly wild looking diner owner as just another colorful character in Stars Hollow. But seeing him for the first time, nearly clean-shaven, combed out, and well-dressed- she had truly seen the real Luke that night. A fleeting moment of shame passed over her as she realized that it had taken something as trivial as clothes and a shave for her to see him. She circled the slightly bashful man before her before taking a look at the expression on her dream-self's face. Wow, how had it not been more obvious to him all those years ago that she had fallen head over heels? Her expression was of blank surprise and delight, with a hint of that fire that she had reserved for only the most well-deserved conquests. She frowned as Luke walked away, and her dream-self made a crack to Rory about the healing powers of a bath.

"There you go," she said to herself. "You're always using humor to push your feelings away, aren't you?"

Without any notice, the vision faded away. Flash after flash, Lorelai's smothered subconscious brought more and more fond memories of Luke to the surface: The five thousand meals that were served to her and Rory- most of which were never paid for; balloons and coffee cake for her daughter on her 16th birthday; Luke bringing ice to Rory's 16th birthday party-

"Did you really smile like that when I hugged you?" she mused. She could almost feel the leap of his soul in that simple facial expression of pure and utter joy. She looked up at her ceiling, hoping to attract the attention of whatever deity had placed her in this presentation of her life. "Okay, I get it," she said to the ceiling. "I should have figured it out sooner!"

- making her a Santa burger to cheer her up about not being invited to her parents' Christmas party; driving her to the hospital when she thought her father was dying; holding her while she cried in relief after finding out her father was going to live; polishing her skates; nearly asking her out over that poker game; his stuttering response to Rachael when she asked him if he planned on staying "just friends" with Lorelai in the future-

Lorelai shook her head in amazement. "So you really did see us as something else that soon, didn't you, Luke? Why didn't you say anything then? It could have saved us both so much heartbreak."

-she could always talk him into things he didn't want to do, like painting the diner; the way he leaned in to kiss her as they sat on the floor behind the counter; the look on his face when she called to ask him to help her with a chick loose in her house-

"Oh, Luke" she said sadly. "You really did think it was code for something. I am so sorry for leading you on this long, my friend." Her melancholy demeanor merely increased as she saw the smile on his face when she pulled him into her house. "You really thought I was going to kiss you then, didn't you?" She hung her head in guilt.

- Luke head-locking Dean when he broke up with Rory; when he had been willing to loan her 15,000 dollars at the drop of a hat, no questions asked; making her that lunch for the bid-a-basket picnic; fixing her shoe at the dance marathon-

Lorelai put her hand to her mouth as she watched Luke sit on the bleachers to hold her shoe while it dried. She listened to him talk about not being as anti-kid as he sounded.

"If I ever happened to meet the right person, there would be a discussion." he said in a seemingly nonchalant manner as he looked into her face.

"Luke," she said, removing her hand from her mouth, "you were trying to keep yourself in the running for me, weren't you?"

-Luke attending Rory's graduation and crying at her speech; him moving Rory into Yale; had he really still been married to Nicole when he had lent her that 30,000? Again, no questions asked.

"You waited so long for me, Luke." she said to herself softly. "You fixed my house and kept me fed all those years- and secretly loved me the whole time. You gave me every portion of the heart that should have gone to Nicole. So why did you throw away decades of work? Why didn't you fight for me, Luke? What did I do to make you change your mind about me?"

She was standing in the middle of a heavy snowstorm. Directly to her right, Luke was handing out coffee and taking orders from the re-enactors standing frigidly in the cold. He turned and looked in her direction, and for an harrowing moment she thought that he could see her. When she followed his gaze, she saw her dream-self lean in to kiss Max as they walked in the snow together. She looked back at Luke in just enough time to see the shocked and hurt look on his face. Her heart melted as he turned his head away, apparently too wounded by the sight of her to continue gazing at the scene. The dream then took her to other instances in her life where her presence had been detrimental to his happiness: yelling and complaining at him as he tried his best to drive her safely to the hospital to see her father; watching him sit alone on the cold stoop as he waited for her to help him paint the diner; watching Rachael leave him because she had realized his feelings for Lorelai-

"That night," she realized, "that was the night he came over. You were trying to tell me something." She gasped in horror as a sudden realization hit her. "That was the night Max proposed."She held a hand to her fluttering heart to keep it from bursting from her chest. "You and me- we were so close," she whispered shakily.

She then watched as he waved to her dream-self. She had been dancing in the town square with Max. As he sat down on the bench next to the child-brides, he looked down to miserably contemplate his hands. Lorelai stood behind him and placed her hand on his shoulder, wishing that she could comfort him, but he couldn't feel her.

She walked around to the front of him and kneeled, attempting to make contact with eyes that could not see her. "Luke," she choked, tears in her eyes, "If I had known how hard it had been for you, I never would have asked you to come out here. I'm so sorry."

-the stubborn set of his jaw as he chiseled the goat into the chuppah; the humiliation in his eyes upon the realization that she had dated that kid from business school; the look of pain and sorrow that crossed his features as she complained to him about wanting that "couple life", when all he wanted was to have that "couple life" with her; watching Jess berate him for following her around like a dog, despite her lack of interest; Luke putting Jess on a bus as the words "go to hell" echoed through the scene sharply and repeatedly.

"I know!" she cried to the sky. "I know I messed up! I know he did it for me! I'm sorry! What do you want me to do?"

The scene changed yet again. She and Luke were standing in her front yard with fishing poles and a miniature lake filled with trout. She reluctantly moved closer to hear herself tell Luke about Alex.

"Oh, come on!" she screamed. "How was I supposed to know that was hurting him? How am I supposed to know any of this?"

_Open your eyes, _a voice offered.

The scene changed again- this time to Luke and Nicole outside of the diner. Tears dripped freely from Lorelai's eyes as he timidly asked Nicole out for the first time.

"What?" she yelled once again towards the sky. "You're expecting me to believe that his entire relationship with Nicole was based on jealousy for me? No! I'm not buying it! Let me out! I want out of this right now!"

_One more_, the voice in her head replied.

She was once again thrown into her front yard. The miniature lake was gone, but in its place was the skating rink that he had set up for her.

"I know this already!" she cried. She couldn't take it anymore. Her heart was so full of sorrow and regret that she could scarcely breathe. "Why are you trying to teach me a lesson I've already learned?"

Her dream-self suddenly turned to face her, leaving the rink and walked towards her as gracefully as was possible in ice skates.

"I just thought you needed a reminder," the phantom said, "Of things you have seen in the past but may not have realized at the time. Also that love isn't necessarily about keeping an even score. He may have hurt you, but as you can see, you've hurt him plenty more."

"But I saw things- things that I had never seen. Things that I should not have seen because I was never there." Her eyes were wide with terror, but she managed to maintain a level head as she asked, "And who are you anyway?"

The phantom laughed- a gentle, ringing laugh filled with amusement. "Let's just say I'm your subconscious. And I showed you those things because you needed to see them. Now…open your eyes."

"What?" Lorelai replied, confused.

_Open your eyes_, the voice in her head answered.

Lorelai sat up instantly, shoving the covers off of her body in the same moment. From the very beginning, she knew it had all been a dream, but it didn't stop her body from responding drastically back here in the real world. Her chest was heaving in a futile effort to draw breath. Her forehead and sheets were drenched in a cold sweat. She couldn't stop the tremors that were wracking her frail body.

"Luke!" she cried as she swung her legs out of bed.

As soon as her feet had begun to take on her full weight, she knew she had made a mistake. Her legs buckled; and she crumpled to the floor, too weak to pull herself back up again.

"Lorelai!" she heard Luke's frantic voice call from downstairs.


	25. Reconciliation

"Lorelai, answer me!" Luke called as he bounded up the stairs.

Lorelai attempted to call back to him, but a seizing panic had set in. She tried to find her voice to respond and allay his fears, but only a frightened whimper was able to escape. Exhausted, she lay her fragile head against the wood floor, allowing the cool, smooth surface to soothe the pounding ache in her head. _Tears come so easily these days_, she thought bitterly to herself as a steady flow trickled from beneath her closed eyelids.

It seemed to take years for Luke to run up the stairs and through the hallway to her room. Upon opening the door, he froze. His sickly fiancée was once again puddled on the floor with her tears forming a small puddle on the floor beneath her head. _Not again_, he thought as his memory showed him the cruel photograph her crumpled on the floor, the trash piled around her, and her waxy pale cheeks. He rushed to her, silently praying that she had not lost consciousness. He had failed her again. He wasn't sure of the circumstances behind this renewed downfall in her condition, but he was certain that it was somehow his fault. He attempted to swallow the rock forming in the base of his throat as he roughly fell to his knees and pulled her upper body into his lap.

"Lorelai," he breathed as he blinked through the furious deluge of tears falling down his own cheeks. "Please be awake, Lorelai. I can't take this again." He breathed a deep sigh of relief as she turned her mournful blue eyes on him.

"You're here," she finally whispered as she found her voice again.

"Of course I am," he choked, shaking more tears from his cheeks into her hair. "I am always here for you, Lorelai, no matter what."

She let out a weak laugh and placed a hand on his stubbled cheek. "You know, I think I am starting to believe that."

He cradled her body against his as he moved his free hand up to caress hers. "Do you really mean that?"

"Luke," she said as he countenance darkened, "I am so, so sorry. You have no idea. All those years…all those horrible things I did to you. Why did you hang around so long?"

Through his tears, he managed a warm smile. "I should have thought that it was obvious. Lorelai," he said as he tried to display every emotion he was feeling through his eyes and touch. "I love you so much. For ten years I've watched you, and for ten years I have wanted nothing more than to be with you. You make me come alive, you give me an appreciation for the mundane aspects of this life that no one else could ever begin to show me. I want that every day," he said, his voice firm. "I want to wake up with you next to me and wonder what new joy that my world with you will bring. I know I've made mistakes; and I know that I lost sight of what you were to me. But even I make mistakes. Forgive me, and together, we can reach a level in happiness that I know we couldn't have with anyone else. The road will be long and hard, I'm sure, but I know that we can do it together." His shining, adoring eyes lay fixed on hers for a moment.

"Dirty," she giggled with a watery hiccup.

He chuckled in response. "That's my girl."

He unfolded his legs and stood, scooping up Lorelai's helpless frame and placing her back in the bed.

"How did you fall off the bed?" he queried.

"Oh, yeah, forgot I couldn't walk," she replied.

"Tell you what," he countered, "how about you and I work a little on getting you up and around the house tomorrow?"

Lorelai felt the shivers subside as Luke brought the heavy comforter around her body. She relished in the warmth that slowly crept into her toes and settled in her fingers.

"Yeah, that might be nice," she replied.

He kissed her on the forehead and turned to head back downstairs, but was surprised when a hand caught his before he could take another step. He looked down at the adoring face looking back up at him. The expression of unadulterated trust that was written over her face moved him so thoroughly that he felt sure that nothing in his life could ever hold that much joy.

"Stay the night with me?" her small voice whimpered.

He smiled slowly, reminding himself to thank Rory for her brilliant assessment of their lives. He turned and headed to the opposite side of the bed, lifted the covers and settled next to her.

His hard angles met perfectly with her curves, despite even the slight unfamiliarity of her diminished frame. His heart leapt for joy at the renewed union and the scent of her hair falling in heaps over his face. He brought his arm around her middle and pulled her closer to him.

_This is where I belong_, he thought to himself as he slowly drifted off.


	26. Hesitancy

A Year and a Half Later

"Listen Lorelai," Luke said as he reached his arm across the table and stared into her eyes, "I know that we got off to a rocky start, but things have been going well for some time now. I don't understand why you won't set a date. Is it me? Is it something that I'm not doing right?"

"No, Luke," she said as she stood. "Trust me. I will know when the time is right. Just not yet, okay?" She turned and skipped merrily upstairs. "Now come on!" her muffled voice called. "You have to get ready! We're going to be late!"

"You know I hate going to town meetings!" he called back, his mock irritated voice just a little too strained to be genuine. He stared at his hands. Something was wrong. For the past six months he had been bringing up the subject of setting a date for the wedding that always seemed to be looming over their future. And for six months, she had been quickly changing the subject every time it was brought up. He had thought that waiting a year for her to recover would have been long enough. She seemed happy, so what was holding her back?

_Fight for her if you have to._ Rory's words all those months ago echoed menacingly through his head. How long should he wait until he pressed the issue? He felt as if he were constantly walking on the cracked ice of a frozen pond. How much serious talk could she take without breaking again?

Those first few months of her convalescence were the worst. Every time he had to leave to go somewhere, every time he spoke to April… she was so fragile. She always asked him to cuddle with her after he came home from the diner. Her voice was always light and cheerful, but she didn't fool him. How could anyone not notice the tremors that ran through her as he pressed her more tightly against him? Every time April came to visit, she would disappear to her bedroom for days, apparently too frightened by flashbacks to give the situation another chance. It hadn't been fair to him to make him choose, especially since he saw so little of April these days- New Mexico was so far away. It wasn't until he had taken April, Rory, and Lorelai out to Maine on the new boat that Lorelai allowed herself to connect with April. And so the situation was resolved without having any serious discussions about it. He had been avoiding serious discussions since that ultimatum in the street. But how much longer could he keep putting this particular situation aside?

He stood and went to the closet to grab his coat just as Lorelai was bounding back down the stairs.

"Got the snacks? Where are the snacks?" she asked. He held out his empty hands to her. "Luke! You know we can't go to the town meeting without snacks!" She hit him lightly on the arm. "Do you go to the movies without buying popcorn?"

"Actually yes, I do," he retorted.

She snorted and skipped to the kitchen, returning with bags of apple slices, grapes, carrot sticks, granola, and red vines.

Luke laughed. It wasn't really that funny though. All the little reminders of how he had irrevocably changed her very nature twisted the thorn in his gut a little deeper every time he saw them. Sure, she ate junk food sometimes- mostly when she was with Rory. And food always seemed to be a strange topic for them. Maybe it was his imagination. She had never completely gained all the weight back either. She wasn't underweight, but she looked more like a model- more out of his league- than ever. Of course she blew it off and used it as an excuse to buy an entirely new wardrobe. If only he had a way of determining if she was really happy or if her clothes shopping antics were her way of hiding something deeper. If he knew that she was truly happy, he could let this go. But the fact that she still refused to marry him after all these months had to mean that there was still something wrong.

They walked out the front door together. As he turned to put the key in the door, he felt her freeze next to him. She grabbed his arm fiercely and held on for dear life. His eyes made their way from her white knuckles up her arm and to her face. He couldn't understand why she looked so serene- the most peaceful expression was set over her features as she inhaled deeply.

"Lorelai?" he asked, a look of deep concern on his face. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"You said April was coming tomorrow night, right?"

This conversation had taken a very awkward turn. Lorelai hadn't had issues with April's visits for months now. "Yeah, that's right. We're supposed to pick her up from the airport at six."

"Perfect," she whispered so quietly that Luke could barely hear her. She looked up at him, and he was even more alarmed to see that her eyes were sparkling. "We can't go to the town meeting tonight," she said breathily.

"What?" He was truly troubled now. Had something in her snapped? Had she gone insane? "We're heading out the door right now, what do you mean we can't go to the town meeting?"

"Wait, no," she said, shaking her head. "Strike that. That's a bad idea. We should go to the town meeting."

"Lorelai, what's going on?" he began to ask, but she was already pulling him to Miss Patty's.

* * *

The entire meeting was the strangest hour that Luke had ever experienced. Lorelai had refused to explain to him her sudden shift in personality. She instead sat forward in her chair, her posture uncharacteristically straight, listening with rapt attention to every word that was being said while bouncing her legs impatiently.

Taylor had finally adjourned. Everyone was just beginning to stand when Lorelai jumped suddenly to her feet and bounced onto the stage.

"Actually, can you all sit down for just a moment longer?" she called over the crowd. "I have an announcement that I want to make."

As they sat, Luke noticed the skeptical looks on the faces of the townspeople and how they stared curiously at her. She was just beginning to take an interest in the town activities again, and they were all wary of doing anything to unsettle her. Luke hoped for Lorelai's sake that he was the only one that had noticed how carefully she was being treated.

"Okay, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, my sweet and gentle townsfolk…Why did the chicken cross the road?"

Silence was the only answer she received. Luke could see why. The awkwardness had not yet settled. They weren't used to having the old Lorelai back. It seemed as if they thought she needed more time to recover emotionally before they could joke with her again. Fortunately, Lorelai's sunny disposition seemed not to be affected by her audience's hesitancy.

"Okay, well, apparently we left our senses of humor at home this evening. Well, I thought that you would all want to know that you're invited to the Dragonfly on Saturday- that's two days from now." She took a deep breath and grinned. "Because Luke and I are getting married at sunset in the back garden."

When the words finally settled coherently into Luke's brain, the walls began to spin, and he took a deep breath to steady himself.


End file.
